Question

[awest1217]

No big plans. Fridays are always up in the air because we used to always go to my in-laws for pizza, but in the last month since H left again, it has been hit or miss, but when we get home tonight...raking leaves again (for the third time) YEAH! uck!

Saturday we are going to go to the mall with my sister. S loves to shop so we will have fun. Then my sister's surprise b-day party is that night at my house.

Sunday is church, which is always good!

Having a low day today. I enjoy being the optimist, but not today. I had a bad dream where H and I were arguing like always about OW and him coming home so did not sleep well. Mostly I am worried about my health. I have not told anyone about it because I don't everyone else to worry. I have brought too much drama to everyone's lives and don't want to continue. My stomach is really feeling bad, and I am getting more and more dizzy. I looked up ulcers and it really looks like I may have one. All the sites say to take anacids and eat dairy. I am doing that so I will just see how it goes. Because of the little money I went 2 weeks without my normal dairy intake so maybe about a few weeks of normalcy for my body it will get better again. I just know that this stress is going to end up destroying me. I have lost a lot of weight (which I can't afford to do), not sleeping, aging a lot, and just tired all the time. The stress from the relationship is bad, but also bills, taking care of S (not getting time to myself because he won't let me alone, which I know is anxiety on his part, but is draining beyond belief. This was not the case this summer), taking care of the house, car, being a good sister/friend, and so many other things. I am going to try to start Tyboing again like last winter since I can't get outside. S likes to do it with me. lol, but once again time seems so short. I just need to relax and take a load off.

Sad day...keep fighting back tears and I don't know why...