So a summary of the main points as I see my sitch right now:
H has had his running shoes one for 12 months. He has said during this time he has tried to work on things, but has never seriously been open to anything like dating, MC, trying to work things out. During the last 6 months, we have become almost good friends again, whenever we have gained another friendship / relationship level, H has hit me with a bomb a couple of weeks later. He has been so certain leaving is the answer, and although especially during the last six months we have had many small "moments" he will physically flinch and stop them from continuing, or mutter, "this does not feel right / makes me feel guilty".
There is an x factor (ow?) that I am not yet aware about. It is possible something happened for a few months earlier this year when in his mind he was "separated". Might still be around which would explain his current actions. When he moves out he wants to live in my suburb, not in the next city where he has been spending his missing time.
He certainly has it in his head he needs to move out despite seeing amazing changes in me for the classic WAH reasons.
I have gotten him to call this a trial separation although we are formally splitting everything we own up now too. He wants us to spend xmas together for the kids and also be there for their birthdays together the months after xmas.
My immediate problem is how to interact with H once he moves out. I will be much firmer with boundaries with kids, no more coming and going, commit to days in advance etc. Thats easy enough. Thoughts for me are to go nicely dark, give NO information as to what I am up to anymore, keep very busy which I want to do for myself anyway. I need to give him the chance to really miss me. But how to balance keeping the connection going as well? Should I drop off toddlers at third party, or let him pick them up at my place? Should I let him come inside or leave him waiting on the road for them? What other stuff like this do I need to consider now?
