Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

It seems like your actions have done two things, one given you a newfound sense of strength, and two, possibly piqued the interest of W. That's a good thing, but let's keep things in perspective.

It has. But only if our thinking is right and that a) she was snooping (which I am almost certain she was - gut instinct) and b) she was looking for evidence of another woman (which I'm not sure about but can't logically think of anything else that would be of use / interest to her).

NC is a tool to help you cope with an unpleasant situation. The goal is to strengthen you. That should be your ONLY goal. Anything else is an added benefit but is not necessary and should not be expected.

I have been thinking about this lately. Even if she decided to come back or show an interest in coming back I think, given the way I feel, that I really need this time for me to think about what I really want. Do I want my W back and my marriage - absolutely YES, but how do I want to go about it, how would I like it to be (because it can never be the same as it was before), how would I want things to work in the dynamic between us ... etc.

Now, her unusual behaviors could definitely be interpreted as a rekindled interest from her. And admittedly, there is nothing more flattering than being pursued, especially by someone you love who recently rejected you. However, try not to get too caught up in that, because that will unnecessarily raise your expectations, and that is not a good thing right now.

To be honest I'm not entirely sure it is a renewed interest in me at all. I think it may be a simple reaction to me pulling further away from her slowly (for example when she comes to spend time with my D, I go upstairs and leave them to it, I dismissed her trying to give me her home phone number, no R talk, being upbeat, being friendly, etc.) - nothing more than human nature. Or it could be simply that she knows when I pull away I will take D with me and she is scared of that.

While I fully endorse doing things to end and A (such as notifying close friends, family, etc), and doing things to force someone to get off the fence, be careful not to let this overwhelm and consume you.

The NC for me is to heal myself and my D. I would be lying if I said that I also hoped it would bring her closer but I know I can't control her actions. If she chooses to follow, great. I don't think she will.

You don't want to start doing things slowly to give her a false impression.

I'm not sure what you mean here.

Remember, build yourself up first and then worry about her.

The only surefire way for me to do that is NC. I have been building myself up, as you said above, by my state of mind / happiness is still based on her perceived unhappiness. At least I realise that and can do something about it. It is still unhealthy.

Like I said before, that relationship will fall apart. It's simply a matter of whether the strong P17 will want her back.
Good luck and stay strong.

Thanks jumpyninja. I do want to save my marriage, but I want to TRY and do it. There are no guarantees I will end up with it that way.