New, my story

[Inaspin]

@ HB20

You are right, all I have done is fuel the fire, and it kills me because I have known what to do, but my emotions have gotten the better of me.

I'm trying to refocus today. I have been so impatient and have not fully accepted my sitch. I need to accept that at this moment, my W wants to leave me, and that all I have done is pushed her to this point and validated all her feelings.

I have to detach completely now and make peace with the fact that it is now a probability that my M may be over. I need to focus on my S and make sure that Christmas is really special and magical for him as it may be the last one we spend together as a family.

While I do love my W, I don’t really like who she is at the moment. I realise now that a big part of me holding on like I have is my S. I love him so much, and it is killing me thinking that I will not have him in my life everyday. I am going to treasure the next couple of months with him, & try not to think about the future too much at the moment.

I have lost 4Kg's over the last month, I will be forcing myself to eat more, and will start training properly again. The one good thing to come of this is that I feel that what ever happens, I am going to be a much better person (after allot of pain though) I have a private C session next week. I need to start working on my issues and baggage. Even if my W did decide to give it another go, If I don't sort myself out, the R or any other that I may have will never work because I am stilled pretty damaged.

I have prayed again for God to give me peace and I am really trying to hand this over and let him show me a way out of the darkness.

Day by day, today I feel acceptant of my sich, I hope I feel the same tomorrow.