With the guidance of our child behaviorist, H told the kids he was moving out. I was there for support. I think that was fair. I could not pretend to be in agreement with H or take on the responsibility of explaining HIS actions. However, I did not say anything negative. I let my kids know that I was there for them. As the tears streamed down their faces, I was grateful I did not have to speak because it wouldn't have been pretty.
Uh-oh, here come the tears...just remembering is still hard.
Anyway, about 10 months later now and I just discussed with my therapist how to handle the feelings that are emerging from my kids. She was clear that I am not obligated to condone or make excuses in any way for H. I can be respectful and matter of fact and certainly let my kids know I love them (which includes the parts that are like him) without defending him. Honesty is a virtue as important as any other and our kids know when we are disingenuous. It is a fine line but age appropriate honesty is optimal IMO; sometimes omission is necessary.
