Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[Gardener]

bim,
Thank you for your reply to my recent weird sitch bomb.
I have been following your sitch only for a short time. Don';y ask me why, but tonight I spent over an hour reading it all.
Hate me or love me I am going to recap all you've said (B) with only a few comments of my own (G). Ready, my friend?

B-He has never let you forget te fact that at 19 you had sex with a boy before you even met your future husband
B-You (wrongly) kissed a man once 7 years ago and he will never let you forget that
G-This is abuse!
B-H thinks you, his wife, are a liar
B-H wouln't have married you if he knew you had slept with another man - a boy - before you met him
B-H had sex with someone while you were married
B-H acts like he knows I'm doing something/somebody
G-This is sick, insecure, controlling jealosy
B-You love him with all your heart.
G-Love what? A memory?
B-I did nothing wrong!
B-He makes me feel safe (WTF?)
B-Our family doctor who knows us both says "he will just keep chipping away at the very essence of you"
G-Do you want your kids growing up witnessing that (learning what a "man does"?) Witnessing what a woman does to a woman and children, (i.e., let him do these things to them/? you?)
B -He doesn't yell or scream
G- One doesn't have to yell or scream to be an abusing, controlling pr!ck
B- H has not opened himself up to the possibility of reconciliation and never will
B- S6 knows H is mean to me
B-S6 says something is wrong with his father for not believing you
B-H gave S4 nightmares with his words and behavior
B-H tells kids in car Most women offer nothing especially your mother
B-How do I tell H to leave S's out of it
G-You can't he won't he should know and do so on his own
B-H won't let you take your (hurting) boys for counseling
B-Son is very protective of you because he is observant and knows his father is mean
B-H is heartless
B-H told S he will be punished if he tells mom what H says about her
B- I love him
G- Love what?
B- I cannot allow him to disrespect us like this
G-This is not disrespect. This is abusing you and terrorizing your boys
B-H will respect no boundary
G-Of course not he is boundaryless himself
B-H bullies me in front of my own sons
B-H turns my sons against me
B-H is a master of mind games
B-H can spend an entire weekend barely speaking 15 words to me
G-Isn't that great for your sons? And you?
B-H is consumed with me being a liar
B-I took vows: Love honor cherish obey. I believe in that
G-The two of you took MUTUAL VOWS to MUTUALLY love, honor cherish, etc.
If only one is honoring the vows, there is no marriage and therefore no marriage to save
B-H is consumed with him being right
B-I'm afraid to speak my mind
B-H said I was not invited to wedding when invitation was to Mr. & Mrs. His response? You're NOT invited
B- H tells me last minute he's making an (almost) all-week trip out of it
B-H will not tell me results of his health tests
B-H was abandoned so he won't abandon his boys.
G-Physical abandonment isn't the only kind of abandonment
B-H is a loyal father
G-and the evidence and proof of this is?
B-H tells sons "Mommy lies"
N-H had paternity tests performed while I was out of town
B-H won't go for IC, even though he's a Social Worker (Or has Social Worker degree)
B-He accused me of sleeping with his brother because he dreamed it
B- Then he said, well if it wasn't my brother, then you slept with my cousin
B-His actions and inactions are killing me
B-And this is magnified by the boys witnessing it
B-Boundaries mean nothing to him (again)
B-He decided yesterday he still won't leave boys out of R discussions
B- I fell down the stairs and he heard me but ignored me

Sorry, to do this, bim, but these are weeks of your own words. We sometimes suggest on this forum that we go back and read our own posts and sitches and pretend they are someone else's. What would we think? What would we advise? I got started catching up on your sitch and couldn't stop, I was so appalled for you.

What little improvement you may have seen lately is crumbs. I believe your boys would be far better off without him. They probably do, too.

You should consult an attorney pronto. First order of business is that attorney getting your boys into counseling over your h's protestations. Then learn your rights and options.

You should probably be a WAW. No, on second thought, don't do that, get advice from the attorney on how to kick his ass to the curb!

One, BIG, FAT, EYE-OPENING (hopefully) 2x4 for you. Lovingly lobbed at your good, sweet head.
Last night, all you people lovingly made my appalling sitch your joint project.
Tonight, somehow, your sitch became my loving project.
((((bim))))