WAW + MLC + Male BFF + "Just Friends" = Fed Up

[Heartbroken20]

Thanks HM. I'm sure my D's have a good idea of what went (is going?) on and that is not how you are supposed to love and respect your spouse. They definitely notice she tries to get away from me and our home as much as possible. I'm pretty sure they resent it but they have not said so to me. Time will tell...

Journaling:

W told our daughters she wanted a divorce (with me present) last Sunday night. She said she wasn't happy and hadn't been for a long time and that counseling hadn't helped as she hoped it would so she thought it would be best for everyone that we split up and moved on. She told them it had absolutely nothing to do with them and that she loved them very much. She also told them that nothing was going to change for a while, as I am still out of town during the week, and that we would still be together for the holidays, etc. Since she did not make it sound like it was my decision as well, I didn't say anything.

They just sat there in silence for a few minutes and I asked them if they had any questions for us or wanted to say anything but they just shook their heads no. They would not look at her and only glanced at me. Asked them if they had any questions for me and again, shook their heads no. They sat in silence for another five minutes or so and te D16 got up and went to her room. D13 sat for a while longer, not looking at either of us and then got up and went to her own room.

We let them be with it for about 30min and then D16 wanted to know if she could go spend the night at her best freind's house and that it was okay with her friend's mom. Figuring she probably needed to just get away for a while, and spend some time with her friend for support, we both said yes. We both checked on D13 about a 1/2 hr after that and she said she was okay, making it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal.

Their lack of reaction means one of two things. First, they likely have seen it coming and are resigned to it or stuffing their emotions down. Or two, W has been hinting at it (or they've overheard her speaking about it to her friends) so weren't surprised when she finally told them in front of me.

In retrospect, I may have erred by not speaking up and emphasizing the fact that this is not what I want and that I would still like to work things out. I sure hope they know that but wonder if they think I agree with her decision because I didn't specifically say something when we told them.

I later told my D13 that I was very sorry this was happening and that is was not what I wanted. She said she knew and that it was okay. I know she's just trying to make me feel better but it worries me that she's trying to ignore what is happening and that she may explode later.

Have not said the same thing to D16 but I think she knows it more than my D13 does. She already doesn't get along well with my W and this is just another reason to distance from her.

Hope they will both talk with me about it soon but nothing yet.