Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

I hope one day at can be where you are R2C. You sound wonderful. Thank you for helping me through this. I have been at this for 6 weeks now, and still need help. I feel like personally I have started doing things for me, I have gained more of a social life (H noticed and commented), I try to love myself and I think I do, but maybe I just have low self esteem. All that goes through my mind when I think of this actually being over is the fact that I have two young, young children. What man wants to be a part of that? "Hi nice to meet you..I'm Britt. Wanna come home and help me change diapers? Cause that's what my life is about right now. No? That's what I though". Yes I'm open to the fact that there may be somebody better out there for me, but who wants to get involved in the baggage I carry around. I'm fearful to be lonely. I hate being alone. Its one of my biggest fears in life.

I know my H isn't treating me very well right now. He went into MY email and got mad at me for something that he should have never known about. And it wasn't even bad. A simple apologetic email to my friends about my behavior. I understand that he was feeling bad for reading a few bad things about himself and took it out on me. Blaming me. But I don't want to lose my marriage over this. He came over yesterday beforehand and completely cleaned and organized our garage. You do not do something like that if you are planning on packing all that stuff up soon. He even said it, we came so far and then you wrote the email. And I don't want to be involved in this stupid drama. I'm outta here.

I do take responsibility for his emotions. Its pretty sad. All that went through my mind last night was how upset I was at myself for not logging out of the email. Its stupid, it really is. Hopefully once I start to recognize it, it is one step forward in the right direction. I know it is not my responsibility to apologize for him being hurt over what my girlfriends said, but I felt like by apologizing to him it would make him feel better. I thought about that today. I KNOW it wasn't my fault. But that's the co-dependency in me, trying to make him feel better even if it goes against what I feel.

Well now that he knows what all these woman have said about him I think that will only keep him away for good. How could we ever work it out knowing what my close friends think about him? He was so upset and talking bad about these woman cause they don't have perfect marriages either. But if I was to ever say anything bad about his best friend then look out. Nevermind go into his email. He would have lost it had I done that! Sometimes if feels good to type this out, you learn alot as you type.

Thanks everybody. I guess I'm just really obsessed over my marriage that I take full responsibility for every problem we have and are having and that is not healthy. Something to talk to my MC about.