Take a deep breath. Its hard for me to follow ur writing, I have difficulty focusing so if i missed something Im sorry.
The one thing that seems to jump out at me is the education thing testing ur child. Let me state I dont have any children. You have every right to be involved with the decision making for them. She is trying to cut you out. Its good that you are being persistent. DO NOT let her do this! My first thought was her trying to regain some kind of control over the situation. Thats the feel i got reading thru ur sitch.
She wants space, so give it to her. I know it seems to go against everything but really it isnt. You're giving her what she wants. Good for her. Keep GALing, take care of your kids, dont let her try to stonewall you on them and keep all conv limited. End them first and be BUSY! NO R TALKS!!!! and its ok to stall. Really, it is.
Oh, its also OK for her to be angry! Let her be angry. No more letters. Time for you to stop pursuing. Thats how she will perceive them. You dont need to show her youve changed. She notices. She may not act like it or show it, but she does. TIME TIME TIME.
