Well I have kind of been down in the dumps the last couple of weeks. Keep thinking about how much I don't want to get a D. A few weeks ago after WAW sent me nasty texts after I told her I wanted changed in D papers and after I set up my own checking account I pretty much thought M was over. I was to the point where I almost wanted it over. Now I realize how much I want it to work out. It just seems that we have so little contact now that WAW may be getting on with her life with out me.THe few times we do see face to face WAW just seems angry. I did see her for a few minutes yesterday when I went to pick up my D7. Our next door neighbor picks up D7 from school and keeps her until we get home and some nights she takes her to dance class. When I have to pick her up from neibor's house I try to get there before WAW gets home so I don't have to see her. But yesterday she got home while I was picking up D7 and D7 went running to our house so I had to go get her. WAW said D7 was inside getting some Barbie dolls to take back with her. I was waiting on the front porch. WAW did come out to sweep off the porch and I did talk to her about some school stuff.When D7 came out WAW went in and went down the hall and I yelled buy to her and we left. I just don't know how I can get her back with so little contact between us. Maybe thats the best thing right now. The other morning I was thinking of all the things I have done wrong since we have been seperated. Things that may have even pushed her further away from me. WAW made a comment in one of her e-mails after I had e-mailed her about the things I wanted to change in D papers, that she thought that I didn't care for her anymore that I just cared for stuff. She also said in one of our heated arguments over the phone that some of the things that I had done since the seperation had made her angry at me. When I asked her what, she said that I had accussed her of having an affair. I have never come out and openly accussed her of this but my actions have insinuated it. Sometimes I think I need to write her a letter and apologize for these things and tell her that I want to work on the R. Not to move back in right now but try to become friendly again and spend a little time together so that I can show her that I have changed and am willing to take more responcibility. I also think that if we could work things out we maybe could get by without filling bankrupcy. I realize that all the problems in the M wasn't my fault. WAW was very controlling and thought she should have what she wants and we have been in financial trouble many times with her handling our finances. Except for when I got the ILYBNILWY speech when she said it was all her and she had changed and it wasn't me, it seems she is blaming the failure of the M all on me. Maybe I should just let things be as they are right now. Give her space so she can think about the R. At some point I will have to tell her weather I am going to file for bunkrupcy or not. I did go on Dave Ramsey web site yesterday and registered online for financial coaches in my area. You leave your email address and ph# and it said they may contact you if not I will probably call to set up an apointment to get finacial advise if I can afford it.
I just don't know what direction I should head in right now. Any advise would be appreciated. thanks for listening to my problems
ME48 WAW45 S17 D7 ILYBNILWY July 3 Sep July 24 Given D papers Sept 23
