Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Another big part of my problem is the optimist thing. I thought for sure at six months we'd be working things out. I didn't understand the height of the wall she's built.

Yesterday I was reflecting on how well I was doing. Today, it's six months plus one day and I don't feel all that much better.

And in my head -- and I'm trying to stop this -- I'm thinking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years when we're not together as a family that that might trigger something. Then there's D10's birthday in February and then my birthday in April and anniversary at the end of April and then ... Mother's Day, which will be one year out of the house.

All these little important dates.

Honestly, if she'd file that'd maybe snap me out of it, but I, of course, don't want a divorce so ....

At least it's been five weeks -- I'm going to look it up -- since I forced a relationship talk.

The roller coaster continues.