I called my C to talk about getting on some medication. He agreed and said he would make an appt for a referal.
He said he felt bad about last night and that he didn't fully explain that it was very painful, but necesary. He is very concerned about my W, to the point that when she blew up last night and he asked me to leave for a few minutes (turned into an hour and 20 minutes) he thought he was going to have to admit her to the hospital because she was so unbalanced. He is calling her today to talk to her some more as well.
He said that it is important that we did what we did. He said he knows it was a terrible session, and those can be very dicouraging. However, he said that the worst is done, but by no means is it over. He said that I need to do exactly what I have been doing, but even more consistently (talking about DBing here). He said there are no promises and he doesn't know how this will turn out; but he did say that I need to completly turn off any feelings for her and that is a process, not something I do overnight.
I let DB-ing go by the wayside in the C session last night. I talked about my desire to stay married, etc...
So, today, even though I am a wreck, I tried to let her go. She's emailed me several times. I didn't reply to any, except one. In that email I told her that in light of the session last night, I was upset and confused and would prefer not to talk about issues such as finances and holiday schedules until after the weekend, so that I have a chance to level myself and think rationally.
She replied that it was okay to get back to her Monday.
My C thinks she is very mixed up. He is very concerned about her, and so am I. I wish she would see someone and consider taking some medication. She isn't herself, and hasn't been for a few years; I didn't realize to what extent until just recently, but always was concerned about her moods and low self-esteem (which she says is all my fault).
Has anyone taken depression medication? I need to go see the docotr, but I would like some information from anyone who has. How long did it take to help? What brand did you use? Did it help? Did it make you a zombie? I don't want to NOT feel, I just don't want to feel like nothing.
