I think I would say something like "W, since I am no longer sure what our future is, I think it's best we work out a mutually agreeable budget/financial plan for the immediate future and part of that budget needs to include accountability for large cash withdrawals on both our parts. What time would be good for you so we can sit down and draw up a plan that works for both of us?".
That way you don't come across as controlling, you are letting her know that she isn't the only one that isn't sure about your marriage anymore and it's always best to start off in a non-accusatory fashion. If she resists then let her know you will be dividing the bank accounts and you will each operate from your own accounts w/equal contribution to the household expenses.
If she still resists then let her know that it's probably best to involve a mediator to help the BOTH of you get this all sorted out.
I highly doubt any attny would accept 200.00 as a retainer fee. If so, she has scored herself quite a deal!
