Over the years, WAW often said that I love her, but don't really like her. There's some truth there. The second time around she would need to like me too. I have so much guilt and shame right now, but I still know I am not a bad man and I deserve to be cherished too.
See, that's the thing here. Too often we think we need to 'win back' our WAS's. 3 years ago when I DB'd and 'won her back' that was a HUGE f'ing mistake on my part.
I had made a lot of changes, I was strong and together. I was STARTING to think that I didn't WANT her back. Then she came back.
What I didn't see was that I needed HER to win ME back. But I made it too easy. I adopted the attitude that I 'won' her back. So I did most of the work. She didn't have to do anything really. She didn't have to change.
Fast forward to 2 years ago and everything went back to the way it was. Bad. Here we are again only this time we ARE being divorced.
Same actions, new OM, want's to be happy, kids are devastated.
Because when she had her affair, I didn't grow enough in my self worth to feel that I WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. Not just my marriage, but ME.
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I still know I am not a bad man and I deserve to be cherished too.
So, as my counselor said to me the other day:
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When are you going to stop giving to someone who isn't going to give you what you want in return?
Sometimes, when you stop, they miss it and try to get it back. Especially if you feel GOOD about stopping.
