I am just feeling destroyed today. My wife just stopped by after picking up our daughter after school. I didn't say anything beyond hello.
She is trying to figure out our budget for the rest of the year. I feel that the only reason she is not filing for divorce is that she knows it will put a financial squeeze on her.
Here we are, at the holidays, knowing that divorce is going to happen...yet it isn't. I read stories about people spending over a year before the filing is actually started! WHY?!?! If it is over, then make it official, allow us to start to heal and move on.
I hate the fact that I love this woman and want to make this work.
I hate myself for not wanting to just move on myself.
I am feeling very low today.
We are going to meet with the C again the week before Christmas. I'm not sure why.
Until then, I am not going to do anything at all for my wife. If she needs help, she will have to call family. I will avoid contact at all costs.
I need to learn to fall out of love with her; but I don't want to find someone else either and being alone on the holidays is terrifying.
I'm a mess. I think I need to reconsider those depresion medications.
