I guess I was just anxious to know because D7 had been so upset and I won't see D7 again until Sunday evening. I guess I could have called her later and asked.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
When she dumped you and forced you to leave your own home and demanded the only communication you have is about the children she lost all rights to talk/vent her problems or issues to you.
Instead of setting boundaries you make it about "cutting her off" which is not the kind way to detach. Again, all the focus goes back to your W. You think she had any focus on you when she was prancing around Florida with OM? You think she had any focus on you when she was riding bikes and playing with guns with older OM? No.
When she needs to vent about her crazy family or money she calls you. When she needs a favor she calls you. And you let her. So don't complain because you CAN stop this but you DONT.
Venting is not a sign of anything other than her knowing she can talk your ear off when it suits her. I bet you 20.00 if you had a problem with YOUR family at 9pm on a Sat. night when she was headed out for the evening she wouldn't even take your call.
how about you respond to her badgering Instant Messages with:
"Pooky, there is something I need to get off my chest. I have a girlfriend."
She is treating you like a gay friend, and you are allowing it.
SM, I guess I didn't think about her treating me in that way. I don't have a girlfriend. And I think if I said I did, that would totally destroy any remaining credibility with her being as how I have said I will continue to stand and further justify her doing what she is doing in her mind.
Granted, human emotions and desires take over sometimes. It is hard to be completely innocent for the rest of ones life in a situation like this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Venting is not a sign of anything other than her knowing she can talk your ear off when it suits her. I bet you 20.00 if you had a problem with YOUR family at 9pm on a Sat. night when she was headed out for the evening she wouldn't even take your call.
You are right CG. She wouldn't. She would tell me if it is not about the kids, don't bother her.
I am not engaging as much as I used to. But I have to set the boundaries and stand firm on them. ugg.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
So when is that dancing and bull riding going to happen CG?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You should not be engaging at all. I don't know if you are trying to get me annoyed beyond belief and that back peddling you are doing or if you are just that dense.
I don't want to hear "ugg", "cut her off", "its tough" or anything else that even remotely alludes to those phrases one more time.
You have a blackberry, computer and phone yet you HAD to IM your W about a lunch that had nothing to do with you because you wont SEE your D7 until Sunday. If you knew your W was going to lunch in place of the stoooopid grandma what exactly were you so anxious about? Nothing. You just wanted to contact your W when you easily could have waited a few hours and called D7 yourself.
Go to the corner and stand there until somebody says you can come out.
I honestly wanted to know how D7 was doing because I was concerned about D7. I should have waited, but I didn't want to wait to know. It had nothing to do with wanting to contact W.
Can't seem to get an answer on that dancing and bull riding thing. lol.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You should not be engaging at all. I don't know if you are trying to get me annoyed beyond belief and that back peddling you are doing or if you are just that dense.
Who says it's only one of those options?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
When you start setting boundaries I will let you know about the dancing and bull riding.
'Cause if I am going to get on a mechanical bull I better have a damn good reason to be doing so.
And guess what, sometime we have to wait even though we don't want to. Yes, your D7 was sad and let down but she didn't combust and waiting a few hours wouldn't have changed a thing about the LUNCH or how D7 was feeling but it DID make you pursue a conversation with your W.
