All of that could have been avoided had you NOT pursued her and IM'd her about the lunch.
You easily could have asked your D7 how she enjoyed lunch.
You say you can't take this anymore but you are the one that starts it far too often. You can't seem to grasp the difference between "cutting her off" and setting a BOUNDARY.
You pursued with IM to ask about a lunch that has NOTHING to do with you. You allowed your W to ramble on about her family crap and then went as far as to say that you don't know what goes on in her family so you have no advice. Why would you want to know or give advice to such a matter since you have no contact w/these people and you aren't even allowed around them?
Let your W call a friend or one of her OM's to vent her crap but stop thinking if you are "there" just a little bit it will make a difference. It *will* make a difference it just won't be a positive one.
THINK before you do something. There was no point at ALL in your IM'ing your W. None. And don't say it was to be sure D7 was okay. You and D7 could have talked about the lunch at another time and you didn't need to ask your W about it.
