A boundary regarding contact with OM at church would be unenforceable.
Why? It's a choice your wife makes.
It would mean I would have to catch her with him at the church, since I have no reason to believe she'd tell the truth about it, even if she agreed to no longer attend the same service with the OM. I really don't want to put my kids in that situation, since they would be with me if I snooped.
So I can demand she have no contact at church, but it would be hollow and an easily ignored boundary. Besides, isn't part of detaching not attempting to control? She's an adult, and I can't control her actions. I can ensure consequences, but only on those actions I witness.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Well wife cannot break herself from the EA. She can't stop emailing him or going to see him. So I have told her to leave. It doesn't even matter to me if she moved in with him. I'll just assume she's with him, and go on with my life with the kids.
She still says she needs to determine "what she wants". But that has been a broken record since May. She was to leave after the holidays, but I told her I'm not sitting through two wasted months while this EA goes on unabated. It is a sick and sad thing. But I have to put my trust in God that the endgame will allow me to thrive no matter what.
The hardest part is pride. How another man is taking my wife. How I can get screwed over like this and still be forced to give up half of my kids' lives.
I guess today sapped a bit of hope out of me. My optimism for saving this marriage is waning. But I'll continue to pray for a miracle.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Not yet. She's going to go look for an apartment ASAP.
I just told her I'm done with having her disrespect the family and our marriage. If she can't stop contact with the OM, she has to leave.
She's been saying she needed to get away by herself for months but dragged her feet on it. I just said enough is enough, and I'm finally at a point where I don't care anymore. I've had enough of the disrespect.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
What was her reaction? Take this as the first step to you getting your control back.
Kind of a tearful, quiet nod of the head. No animosity; like I said, getting away is something she's wanted to do from the beginning.
She wants to cut off all contact from me and the OM to sort herself out. I'm fine with no contact; I just know that OM contact won't be cut off. But nothing I can do about that. She has to come to the realization that the grass isn't greener. And that she will devastate our kids.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Oh, and P.S., She's back to believing God is telling her to be with the OM, despite everything she's learned about the Ten Commandments, and the Bible.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Oh, and P.S., She's back to believing God is telling her to be with the OM, despite everything she's learned about the Ten Commandments, and the Bible.
That's because of the serpent she goes to church with.
So make sure you are very clear about your boundaries. They need to line up with your values and beliefs. You will get your self-respect back now and in turn your wife's respect. She's watching you right now.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's because of the serpent she goes to church with.
So make sure you are very clear about your boundaries. They need to line up with your values and beliefs. You will get your self-respect back now and in turn your wife's respect. She's watching you right now.
No coach, "He's the best friend I've ever had. He GETS me."
No way he could be a serpent!
My boundaries are clear, and have always been in line with my values. I've never had any self respect issues; if anything I have a stealth arrogance. I just hope something or someone or God himself reaches my wife. I can't help but still love her.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
