Until you are MORE afraid of not doing "The Right Thing to Do" than you are of losing/angering your husband, you will get nowhere.
Sending the e-mails to the three girls was courteous, and The Right Thing to Do. It was not your responsibility to have to defend your husband from any replies any of them might have sent you.
You're still fearing your husband's displeasure with you, more than you fear doing the wrong thing.
This would have been my response to him:
"So let me get this straight: you hacked into MY e-mail account, invading my privacy, and you're really going to stand here and get upset with ME for what I might have said in there? Is that about it? You're unbelievable."
And then I would have walked away, and refused to further engage. My only response might have been "I'm sorry you feel that way; that STILL doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy and hack my e-mail account, which -- by the way -- kinda makes you look weak, paranoid and unattractive, by the way. Just sayin'."
