Okay, question... My husband has come over twice in a bad mood, including this morning. Stated both times he was in a bad mood. Then after being here for a bit he became more happy, getting out of his bad mood. And again stated both times that he isn't in a bad mood anymore. He realizes he is in a bad mood and then not in a bad mood, but he doesn't realize WHY...errr... Do I just ignore this the next time it happens? I feel like saying " maybe its cause you are home, and with me?" Obviously that's pursuing and i would never say that, but I just want to know if there is a good way to go about handling this next time it happens? Thanks for any advice.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Sometimes I feel as if I reading my own posts..I hope you do not take offense to this as I know I would not react in that way..it took me a LONG LONG time to get this...and starting to do more things for me...but...Your self worth should not be based on being his wife. As I see it you already have the power..you just need to take that power back. You cannot let his moods affect you..you cannot worry about what he is thinking or feeling right now. You need to take YOUR life back. You can do this! I promise..I was so relaiant on my husband to be loved that I failed to see that the one person that I was not getting love from is myself. You have to love yourself first. If you are anything like me your husband may be quite surprised when you STOP moving mountains for him..when you STOP caring about him and STOP analyzing him and realize that this may or may not work out..I know you love your husband but right now can't you see that you are being a better person than he is. Take care of yourself and your children..begin to be a role model for your children. Show them you are strong and independant and you are not defined by your H. Find a passion..mine are..yoga, pilates, running, cycling, art, music..I know I have SO much going for me..and I always had..I put my H on a pedastool..I am finally starting to see that he is not superman..he is just a man..who has issues...who fails to realize that he is responsible for himself and fails to see he has a wonderful woman that loves him uncondintionally...but I cannot make him see that. When your H feels like he is going to lose you and you FINALLY start moving on with your life that is when he will come back to you. You have to take that step. I am SO stubborn and blame myself for EVERYTHING...but you have to let go. There are no guarentees in life but one thing that is is how you treat yourself and how you see yourself. Life is SO short..why waste it worrying about someone that you cannot change..We cannot make our H love us we can only love ourselves..Hang in there. I know this is hard but I see a strong independant wonderful woman waiting to get out and show H..hey I dont need you...
I agree, but I think last night was detrimental and my marriage may be over.
I need so much help right now on what to do I can't even explain it.
Last night I came home after a night out. My H brought the boys over and put them to bed and then was staying there till I got home. When I got home he was in a rage. After the episode sat. night, me crying and stuff I wrote the 3 girls that were consoling me a quick email just apologizing for starting drama. I was quite embarrassed. They all simply wrote back, no problem..that's what friends are for. Well H went into my email and read these things and is now furious with me. He said that he thought I had changed and that things were looking good for us. But after this email he sees that I have not changed a bit and he can't believe he fell for it. He said that I wrote that email to start more drama and when one of the woman replied not to worry about it cause I wasn't an idiot that night, HE was, he got upset that I didn't defend him. I explained I didn't reply because I didn't want anymore drama. I simply just wanted to apologize for my behavior and that was it. One of the woman also wrote that he lost some respect from his co-workers that night and I think that upset him as well. So now I don't know what to do. He is soooo mad at me. And pretty much told me it wasn't over he was having good thoughts and now its over.
I am a mess. I haven't slept in 24 hours.
Another thing is I mentioned to his sister yesterday who is practically one of my best friends that he "popped" in yesterday again and I don't like it. Which I also voiced to him so it was nothing new. But she went and told him what I said, cause he also said last night. "And don't worry I'll be sure to give you 5 hours notice before I come over" Which obviously came right from her mouth.
What do I do? I have changed! I feel like a better person, but I'm scared to death that I have lost my husband now once and for all.
I also did a bad thing last night, after he left I called him and apologized for any hurt he was feeling, he thanked me for calling and apologizing and said he'd text in a few days to see the boys...that was it.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Until you are MORE afraid of not doing "The Right Thing to Do" than you are of losing/angering your husband, you will get nowhere.
Sending the e-mails to the three girls was courteous, and The Right Thing to Do. It was not your responsibility to have to defend your husband from any replies any of them might have sent you.
You're still fearing your husband's displeasure with you, more than you fear doing the wrong thing.
This would have been my response to him:
"So let me get this straight: you hacked into MY e-mail account, invading my privacy, and you're really going to stand here and get upset with ME for what I might have said in there? Is that about it? You're unbelievable."
And then I would have walked away, and refused to further engage. My only response might have been "I'm sorry you feel that way; that STILL doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy and hack my e-mail account, which -- by the way -- kinda makes you look weak, paranoid and unattractive, by the way. Just sayin'."
