Getting ready for the holidays. Really busy with work. Busy with S. He made me watch Saw last night. I forgot how gory that movie was. I loved it though.
I have been here, reading, listening, but you all are doing really well so I haven’t had too much to say.
Just remember, up and down comes with the territory. Expectations will keep you stuck. Keep looking forward, make new traditions, they can always be incorporated into a reunited family.
I love this time of year and I have simply been waiting for the cold air to make it to Florida. We had a few days, and today is cooler but still not feeling that chill in the air yet. I am sure I will soon though.
Keep smiling. It is actually contagious.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
So glad you are doing well! Gory movies - glad my S isn't into those yet, though I am sure it won't be long.
Even in the summer I was dreading the thought of Christmas. It is my favorite time of year and I just didn't see how it could remain so this year but now I am in a much better place and I know the kids and I WILL enjoy it, and H can tag along if he wants. At this point I do not expect him to join in the activities with my extended family (he has managed to avoid them for months now) but that is his problem, though I can say it will probably make me sad and the kids wonder. Whatever. Hopefully by then I will be in an even better place and not bothered as much.
I am working hard not be "stuck" myself, as I have felt that at times the past couple of weeks. You are right, expectations can do that. Been making steps on some of my personal goals, so happy there.
My plan is to have absolutely zero expectations for H and that he will find it more stressful than usual. So I am planning lots of time out during the days for me and the kids so we can clear the house easily for a few hours at any stage for fun stuff and let things calm down if need be.
I think being able to clear the house and go have fun stuff is great for you SR. I find myself in the same position.
I`m sure your intuition is finely tuned at this stage for those times when your H is going through a bad patch. Being able to bail out and not catch the fall out from that is a very good idea. Let him spin on his own.
i do make a point of reclaiming the house though whenever I want. Being unpredictable about my bail outs actually.
Anyway, it can be pretty exhausting running away all the time.
Make sure some of your outings are for you alone-not jsut with the kids.
I hope you`re doing well. Hope you`re letting your H keep on spinning while you`re having fun with the kids and time for your fun too.
This time last year through the worst point in our crisis I sent a letter to H. Can`t remember too much in it now though I did say "God has taken me to this place for a reason and God will take me safely out of here"
There`s a lot of learning to be done for all of us in this situation TIF, so just make the most of that side of things.
Can`t remember too much in it now though I did say "God has taken me to this place for a reason and God will take me safely out of here"
FG, That's awesome - what a good reminder! Thanks for stopping by to check on me. I am actually doing pretty well. I had a good week, excited about some irons I have in the fire with regards to personal goals I have, and trying to keep my concentration on that and the kids.
My struggle now is once again keeping my expectations at zero, but now for different reasons. I am seeing more and more "positives" from H especially with regards to the kids, in the past couple of weeks things he hasn't done for a year give or take he has done again. Still not much with me, though I have heard a few apologies lately for random things, including some very specific MLC behaviors. Of course, they haven't stopped, but . . .
The more normal I see the harder it can be to expect nothing, though I am doing a pretty good job of it. I know that this could still be a really long haul and the yuck is still there. And so is the crazy. What a strange animal MLC is.
Its a day by day thing, isn't it. Just doing the best you can and enjoying each day.
My zero expectations for xmas were based on the fact that H was really spooked by xmas last year, and while I have a great day planned (I love the whole xmas thing), I needed to prepare myself that H may not choose to participate in any of it. Its not about me dwelling on it or thinking about it, its saying it is possible H would not be there, this is how I would deal with it, but now all my xmas energies are focussed on me and my kids having a most excellent xmas. In my sitch xmas was one of the big triggers for H dropping the bomb last year, and I think it was also a big contributor to my second bomb this week. Thats what I talked about with my DB coach a couple of weeks back.
Hi, SR - Thanks for stopping by. I am with you on the Christmas thing. I need to be ready that my H won't want to be involved either. He really wasn't last Christmas at all and that was still three months pre-bomb but obviously already getting pretty deep in the MLC, looking back. We also have Thanksgiving to worry about. I am sure he won't participate because it will be with my family - he has avoided them since last Christmas - and though the invitation is there I am sure he won't come and make up some lame excuse for the kids. Oh, well.
It is a strange and wild ride. Never a dull moment, unfortunately.
