Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

thanks Grace.

So I called H yesterday afternoon just to see how his day was going and was upbeat on the phone and he responded positively..I thanked him for taking the girls places yesterday as there was no school and said I'm sure they appreciate it..He responded "No they don't."..lots of pity party statements lately.

Last night I was home briefly before going to my book club and made everyone else there dinner. I asked H what our checking balance was-since the register is on his work computer..He said "Why, are you planning to buy something?"..I said -no, just wanted to know where we stand. Had some touchy moments talking about money (Which is unusual for us pre-MLC).

The money conversation turned to a vacation conversation b/c if I spent any moeny out of our college fund/savings account(its all mixed in together from our profit of the home sale this summer) it would be for the family to take a nice vacation somewhere we'd never been. H said he doesn't want to go on a vacation b/c he'd feel bad spending money (which he says is for the kids-and whatever we don't use for them we'll need)and then he'd have a bad time and because he would be having a bad time, the rest of us would...

When H and I were talking while separated we both agreed one thing we would have done differently in our marriage was travel more with the kids and alone as a couple..that seemed important to both us looking back with hindsight.

So now this about-face saddens me. Maybe its just the wackiness of MLC. Lately, there seem to be alot more inconsistencies in what H feels or wants. He said a few weeks ago that I should buy nice things for myself periodically b/c afterall its really the money I bring in that we live off of. He keeps most of his business profits in his business. Then when he gets back from NYC he is the opposite about money-makes statements that sound like he thinks I'm a frivolous spender(which I'm not). He said I could go on a vacation without him- and that I would be making a choice to spend money on that and not the girls' education (nice subtle guilt trip!)...

H was asleep when I got home(9pm). Put my hand on his before I got out of bed this morning and he let it stay and didn't move away(small victory!) as he woke up. When I kissed him goodbye I said I'd been missing our lunches together(b/c I've worked across town the last 3 days) and he didn't say a thing...

I guess time will tell if this is just withdrawal behavior or him rallying himself to leave.

H stopped taking his antidepressant in NYC. Not sure if he restarted once home-don't think so...