here's what I'm struggling with now. What is the balance between "doing what works" and working on detachment?
right now, I don't know if anything is really working. It appears that she is running farther and faster away. I know I'm not supposed to be worried about W at all, but how do I relate that to what works.
She doesn't appear happy right now, and a little pissy about the room change. Late last evening she came in Master Bedroom and asked where my one pack of cigarettes was( I don't smoke, I bought one back the day after the bomb. The last time I smoked was 16 years ago, the last time we went through this). I told her where they were in my car, and that I would prefer the kids not see her smoke.
At 5am, she came back into master bedroom/bath and removed most of her bathroom stuff. We didn't exchange a word.
These interactions are very tense, and don't feel like good DB'ing to me. I don't know.
You are making the common mistake of trying to judge "what works" solely on what her MOOD is. That's short-term stuff, and -- c'mon -- you KNEW that she'd be pissy about you returning to the master bedroom, right? So she's "punishing" you with this now. DON'T PLAY THE GAME.
Your demeanor needs to be (as Robx likes to say) "Life is great, I'm fine, I'm going to be great."
"Doing what works" should be evaluated only ONE way: by her ACTIONS (not her words or moods), OVER TIME.
