Hi Bunny, I guess it's been a long time since I've posted anything....
The knee is recovering well. I spent last week in DC visiting my son and then went to NY to visit some friends and took a quick trip to CT for my college's homecoming - and ended up walking more than I ever get to walk in LA - and it went well.
Other than the knee...well...I don't know what to say. A few weeks ago I hit a dark, dark place and came out of it with the very real awareness that I might be dealing with some serious depression - and so the morning after hitting that darkness, I made an appointment to see my T. I finally got in to see him - and it was in part because of my discussion with him that I made my trip out East - since, in the most practical terms, I couldn't really justify the expense, as things have continued to be pretty tight on the writing front.
B - the STBX - continues to be odd and live in her own version of reality. Recently, while discussing the visit of my older son, and my request to have my S3 spend time with us while S12 is in town for Thanksgiving and then Christmas, B suggested that my S12 go away with her during both holidays. It's kind of mind-boggling that she even considers that as a viable possibility - though I think it also serves to illustrate just how bizarre the thinking of a narcissist can be.
Other than dealing with B and working on my depression, I keep trying to adjust more to a life of acceptance and openness coupled with action. It's not easy to find the right balance, I must admit - and sometimes I worry that I still allow myself too often to stand and stare at the on-coming tsunami. It's not a pleasant feeling - since accepting my life should by no means mean standing still and allowing it to overwhelm me - rather, accepting my life should mean that I acknowledge the pain of this last year and do something about it...and so I often wake in the mornings just telling myself that I am going to improve my life. I don't know all the parameters of how I'm going to do it - but I just know that it must be done...and that can only be done through action. And so it is that I continue moving forward as best I can.
