Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Some people get on there and start slinging mud, so don't open any door for that, and "if" she were to make any remarks, just try not to respond.

Okay. I can't see her or his page anyway so I wouldn't know about any remarks.

The things you've told us about her lately does seem like a move in the right direction......but I think it is too soon to tell. My first thoughts was where was OM while she was gone?

I actually found out last night .. or at least my D overheard her on the phone saying WE had a good time away so the OM obviously went with her. That's the beauty of not working for a living.

But this is why I told you to make real sure that you wanted to send that letter before it's gone. I don't see a hard rush on it, do you? I think you can wait a little longer and at least watch to see if she continues to move closer to you & D and farther away from OM.

I agree it can wait a little longer.

I just don't see a move back to me and D when I speak to her on her own. Her actions are just STRANGE. When she is here, as I've said before, it's like she never left. She looks comfortable, laughing, having fun, sitting next to the fire. I don't mean that in a good way at all. I don't look at her and go, ah this is lovely. I look at her and go "if you said you could never come back to this house as it holds too many bad memories, why are you so relaxed here". It feel strange and uncomfortable for me. As Puppy said, it's normalising though.

As a perfect example, last night I was going out. I asked her if I looked okay and rather than just saying yes, she told me I would look better in a white shirt. You're probably thinking it's irrelevant but I just thought at the time, if it was me, I'd just have said yes rather than give her fashion advice. We are no longer together. We don't do that kind of stuff anymore. It was just strange. Like she thought nothing had changed. Maybe's this is normal for WAS though.

It's your call, but I think you were chosing to send the NC letter b/c you don't feel that you can deal with the pain any longer and you see that as your only way out of the pain.

I will be absolutely honest here - you are right. One of the reasons I am sending the letter is that I can't really deal with this anymore. It is a LOT easier than it was even a few weeks ago but it's still difficult as I'm sure everybody understands.

However I also see that what I am doing here is simply accepting her A with the OM. I'm saying, hey it's fine you left us but you can come back and we will all be pals and then you can leave and go back to OM. Regardless of what I have said to her she KNOWS I still love her and would take her back. She currently has two men loving / fighting for her, a step-D that she get's to see regularly, two houses, etc. etc. etc. You tell me what person wouldn't want to have their cake and eat it.

The OM has sex on tap, a woman who is paying for everything, has her own house, car, friends, job, pays for everything and is out of the house 2-3 nights of the week. Tell me what person wouldn't want that either. He is not going anywhere until somebody pushes him out the door.

So I'm doing this primarily for me and my D so that we can move on. I'm also doing this to stop her cake eating and realise that her actions actually have consequences. I'm finally also doing this because nothing else I have tried has actually worked.

It probably did give you some release for a few days, but in the letter....you are talking the possibility of a lifetime. I won't say it would not be easier with NC....but I doubt it would completely stop the pain. That takes a long time.

I keep looking back to the period only a few weeks ago where there was NC for about 10 days. I felt great during that period. The start was difficult but I quickly started to like things again. I also started having stronger and better feelings for the W rather than feelings of being scared and worried. I had 'mature' feelings (for want of a better phrase). That felt good. I also felt I had detached better. After the 10 days she was due to come around for a visit with my D and I fell apart again. This for me was the final nail in the coffin. It proved to me that NC is what *I* need.

Just throwing some thoughts out there for ya.

This is exactly why I'm here. And I really appreciate it.