I feel like texting her calling her a bit@$. She could of told me before the session rather than making me think she wanted to work on it. I'm so angry with her.
She called me asking if I was ok. I told her I was ontop of the world and then I said "don't talk to me". I called her back and told her to tell our don that she ended it, cause I don't want him thinking I walked out on my family.
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
Right first thing to do is stop losing your rag and breathe! There are plenty of people on here who have been dragged to the MC under false pretenses only to use the MC as cover to reiterate their original stand!
Find a way of letting that immediate anger out, go for a run/walk, play some footie anything but dont let it loose on W. For me the way to play although my S is probably a lot older than yours was not to do anything that would make you S feel bad about your actions. If W is bad mouthing you to S, even if its just things like "your blooming dad" you have the power to make him think twice by your good behaviour.
I expect today has been horrible, but tomorrow is another day, try and pick yourself up and carry on DB'ing. Keep telling yourself that if all else fails you will have made yourself a better person, and a better dad so you have nothing to lose!
Huge hugs
Rabbit
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks rabbit. I was supposed to have my so tonight, but u asked w to pick him up. I couldn't bear it. I hate myself for it, but I just can't be around anyone at the moment. When w picked him up from my parents, they asked her if she would go for lunch on Sunday. She said she would only go if I was there. They asked her to really think about it. They told me at first she said she has already decided, but then she wasn't so sure.
She told them that I don't treat her as a wife. How can I when she barked at me 1 week before I moved out cause I was giving her a back massage in bed. She also said that she always has to make decisions. Funny that. She has made so many decisions without even consulting me. The abortion for one. She called me when she found out she was pregnant, and told me in the same call that she had booked the abortion in. That's one instance. She had taken other peoples advice over mine when it came to the house as well.
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
She said that I don't look after myself. She mentioned the sleep apnea and smoking. If she would of asked, I could of told her that I was picking up the cpap machine on Tuesday. In regards to smoking, I know it's bad, but I'll quit when I'm ready, not cause someone else wants me to quit. I quit the first time like that. Not cause if her nagging, but I wanted to quit. She has to accept that.
I really don't know what to do. I'll only go for lunch if she is willing to try to work on things, otherwise I don't see the point. I'm not getting my hopes up, cause I can't handle being hurt again. She said she wanted me to open up to her when she spoke with my parents.
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
I know she will never bad mouth me to our son, and I wouldn't bad mouth her either. I can't have our son hating either one if us. He is my first priority at the end of the day and he needs to be comfortable with coming to either of us for anything.
You really are in a pickle at the moment (()) nearly said a bit of a stew lol. Best thing is not to make any decisions for a couple of days, at the moment youre angry and raw and its screaming it out from your post! Your mum and dad arnt going to want to know sunday lunch arrangements probably till friday. DONT go setting ultimatums about only going if shes going and if shes going to work at things, Im telling you straight she isnt going to want to at the moment.
Stu now Im going to be a tad blunt, why should she ask you to look after yourself before you do? I can say that as my H used to snore and he has a heart condition but still doesnt take great care of himself. Its you that needs to put your care high on the list, if not for you then your son! Also if my S(21) doesnt look after himself he'd be getting a loving ear wiggin from his mum, so Im ear wiggin you by proxy. Its good to hear you have got the cpap machine, have they found any concrete reason for the snoring yet! Why not you get a few weeks better sleep with the cpap machine so that you can think straight and feel better, then you might be in the right frame of mind to sort the smoking out too.
Its good to hear that both of you have a united front on S's behalf, so many of the stories on here are so sad mostly because of the neglect the children receive from the WAS. Dont be offended that he wanted mum to pick him up, he's only six and they can be quite clingy at that stage, what age do they start school over in Aus! Ours go to school at about 4-5.
Despite what she says and its sounds like she has done some pretty awful decisions without consulting you, was the abortion since you broke up? Even though that sounds awful she probably has done it out of panic and the fact she is scared stiff of where her life is going, but cant really guess until you give more info!
Chin up!
Rabbit
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I just spoke to her for over 90 minutes going over the same things. She wasn't planning on going to lunch on Sunday to see if we can resolve things, so I told her nit to worry about it. Our son started school this year. He turned 6 in august.
She said she has been hurt too much and too many things have happened between us, and that she can't see it working.
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
Thats just a line, lots of us have heard it before. This isnt her decision to make alone, unlike some of the other ones that shes been making. You dont sign anything until you are ready!
The same DBing rules still apply. This is literally a set of coping skills for you to survive no matter what happens with your marriage. Keeping up and making these things natural to you will help you cope and make you a better, stronger man, for this M, or one that you may enter into later.
Keep eating, sleep, get your CPAP, drink plenty of water. If she complains that you dont care for yourself, prove her very, very wrong. Look great, smell great everytime you see her. If you dont want your S to think that your walking out on the family, then dont. Make sure that you spend as much time with him as you possibly can. Itll be good for you, and him.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
