Changing Man

[Gardener]

Thank you for answering so quickly. I'm just floored by this malicious libelous sick fiction.

[Serenity13]

I accept your promise...

See it for what it is, nothing but vicious lies - Look in your heart and you know the truth...

Your kids don't hate you - This is something said to sting and I know her words and actions hurt but you know by now not to take it to heart - Doesn't make it hurt any less though I know...

You know your wife better then any of us - Was that her talking? Honest to God was that the woman you know and love?

[Gnosis]

Gardener, I've been following your thread for a long time. I've never commented before, but I saw you're reaching out for help. I'm not an expert and I haven't posted my sitch.

Firstly, you have my deepest EMpathy. I feel for you. IMHO ffor what she has done and is doing she doesn't even deserve the title alien - ahem, they had a reason for living and ensuring their survival. Your creature however is hellbent on the destruction of everything "you."

Personally, I feel that your son deserves to know why his marriage is being destroyed. It doesn't matter what he thinks of your wife, short of psychiatric treatment there is nothing that can be done for her.

However, on the other hand, this information on your wife could perhaps be useful to save his own marriage. I believe you should share this information with him and let him decide whether to pursue it further with his wife's parents. Your STBXW is doing everything in her power to destroy his life. It's only fair that you do everything in yours to save his marriage.

As for the stepkids, confront them with the new information and see how they feel. IF they are lost and are so heavily influenced by their mother, so be it.

So far she has been a terrorist fighting a covert war, its time to defend yourself with everything you've got.

I wish I could offer more advice. The good side of this is that you finally know the truth. Good luck Gman.

[orangedog]

Odog thinking. Will respond more later.

In the meantime read my signature. You are understandibly angry right now but don't do or say things you will regret. Sleep on decisions. Be the better man.

[Gardener]

(((Serenity)))

You know your wife better then any of us - Was that her talking? Honest to God was that the woman you know and love?

The woman I know and love I haven't seen since November 7, 2008. I asked her for a third time if she planned on contributing to the work effort of prepping our house to sell ( we have a brokers-only open house Next Tuesday.
She replied, "No. I'm afraid to be alone with you."
I don't usually use text-ese, but this is the second time tonight I have to say, "WTF?"

[john210]

Gardener, I read your "request" on Gypsy's thread. So here I am reading because I am curious. I have only read your last post.
First off, anybody who would call spooning (and resulting involuntary muscle development) sexual abuse is not working on all cylinders. If that was true, I am also a sexual abuser....BULLSH!T.

On the stepchildren issue, I also have Xstep children and I keep a safe distance because blood is thick....I wait for them to initiate contact and I never comment on their mom regardless of what they may bring up.

[Serenity13]

(((Gardener)))

Why is she afraid to be alone with you?

I never read anywhere in your sitch about spousal abuse...

I have never read anything that gives me the feeling you are anywhere near that kind of person...

Is she scared you will call her on her BS?

Scared that if you are alone, she will have to admit (even if just to herself) she still has feelings for you?

Scared you will see through the alien?

Scared to look at you and see what a royal FU she has made?

Scared that she knows she FU and can't quite figure out how to repair the damage so the easiest thing to do is lash out at the one closest to her?

Scared she made horrible choices yet can't admit it to herself yet?

If her fog is as thick as I see it to be, you can question her a couple of days from now and she will deny this conversation ever happened and then look at you like you have 72 heads for pulling this crap out of your butt. (That is how my H looks at me lol)

[Gardener]

Thank gnosis,

As for the stepkids, confront them with the new information and see how they feel. IF they are lost and are so heavily influenced by their mother, so be it.So far she has been a terrorist fighting a covert war, its time to defend yourself with everything you've got.

You're right on both counts. She even had the nerve to tell me not to call stepdaughter to apologize for showing up uninvited until, perhaps the next time she calls me. They've had enough. Enough what? Also, I've been (too) reasonable during mediation. Tonight, after this sh!t revelation, I started pushing back and demanding - hard.

I wish I could offer more advice.

Heck, I'm glad you're just there. More and more I've been telling posters to look at the number of Views next to their thread on the list, Then lookk at the number of rsponses. The ratio is usually 10:1, so there are far more of us - like you - reading, following along and commiserating than there are responding. That helps, too.
Thanks.

[Gnosis]

You're welcome.

And don't forget your son. Do whatever you can to help mitigate the damage she has done. As to your son's "gender relevance" question... Now you have the answer. She doesn't give a d@mn about him.

What probably happened is your DIL went to your demon for some advice. With a small scratch opened the demon injected her with poison -- and continues to do so. Perhaps you could see a lawyer about gettind a restraining order placed on your STBXW to not contact DIL. She is not family anymore. Your son could file regarding her mental stability and in fear of his child's life. I know this is a dirty thing to do and it will anger DIL but your grandchild and son deserve any chance they can get to reconcile the marriage in that case.

[Gardener]

John,

Gardener, I read your "request" on Gypsy's thread. So here I am reading because I am curious. I have only read your last post.
First off, anybody who would call spooning (and resulting involuntary muscle development) sexual abuse is not working on all cylinders. If that was true, I am also a sexual abuser....BULLSH!T.

Amen, brother.

On the stepchildren issue, I also have Xstep children and I keep a safe distance because blood is thick....I wait for them to initiate contact and I never comment on their mom regardless of what they may bring up.

I guess I'll have to now. Shame though. I married their mom when stepson was 13. His bio dad died when stepson was 21. Recently, stepson said to me not the expected, "I've always considered you like a father." But, "I've always considered you to be my real father." Boy, did I cry at that. It doesn't get any better than that. Don't know if I want to keep him at a safe distance. With him, I'll stay the same and take my chances.