cipa,
I don't recall if I've ever chimed in on your sitch, but as I've been reminding some folks lately:
On the Newcomers thread list, there are two columns of numbers: The number of responses and the number of views.
Views usually outnumber replies by at least 10:1, so I always remind myself that there are so many more reading, commiserating, praying for us than we ever even hear from.
Take heart in that, too.
Stay strong.
Good luck.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac