WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[antlers]

Thanks bro. I know I can count on folks here to support me. You have always been here.

It's a crappy situation for everyone involved and everyone sees it, even my 3 year old, except for my WAW.

My 7 year old did manage to make me laugh the other nite. His fish, Speedy, died (not the funny part) at the mother's apt. He was sad about it but she had already bought another one. I asked him what he named the new one and he said "Speedy the Sequel" :-)

I'm at the point where I know I've lived with honor and will continue to do so. I can look my boys in the eye and live without any regrets. I have tried everything to save this marriage and bring the four of us back together. It didn't happen, but I still have my family. It is just me and my two boys. For that I am still grateful and happy.

Thanks again for the prayers and support...

Be as strong as you can be tomorrow CIPA. Do it for your kids...and for yourself. Do the best you can in a tough situation...and leave the rest to God.

[confusedinpa]

You have many here you can claim as friends. (And one of them even lets you call her mom. )

Thanks "mom" :-)

Even though you made your "son" cry again.... It's comforting I know there are still people out there who care and believe

The support I get here from everyone is amazing and I can't put into words what it means to me. Especially from my "mom"

I know ultimately that God will not give me any burden that my boys and I can not handle. Things happen for a reason. Even losing my job in June. If I hadn't I may have never learned the aweful truth. My boys and I would be continued to be played as fools

He will continue to be there for all that my boys and need. That is something we will always have.

Thanks again for your prayers and support

[confusedinpa]

I lived with honor and fought my heart out. I can look my boys in the eyes and tell them that I tried with everything I got to keep our family together.

I believe you CIPA.

Thanks Antlers

Even though it's not what my boys and I wanted, ultimately this is a step forward in life.....

We need to do this not just to survive but to thrive

Thanks again

[Gardener]

cipa,
I don't recall if I've ever chimed in on your sitch, but as I've been reminding some folks lately:
On the Newcomers thread list, there are two columns of numbers: The number of responses and the number of views.
Views usually outnumber replies by at least 10:1, so I always remind myself that there are so many more reading, commiserating, praying for us than we ever even hear from.
Take heart in that, too.
Stay strong.
Good luck.

[confusedinpa]

A crappy day but I made the best of it as I got to have dinner with my boys today (normally I don't see them till Fri).

We spent the better part of the morning day at $600/hour and we wound up with almost the same number I had been offering. My WAW and her lawyer then asked for a hearing for another interpretation of the law. My lawyer said that she can do this crap as many times as she wants, even if it winds up with no change. It just racks up lawyer fees and she doesn't care about that since I have to pay them.

Funny part was that she showed up wearing my favorite perfume and what used to be one of my favorite outfits (at least until she's gained 25+ lbs this year).

At the end of the hearing, I got fed up and told her, her lawyer and my lawyer that I've had enough and I just want all this settled. If we can't settle it, then I want to take it right to court and put everything out there for public view. Her lawyer jumped in and said that she's not afraid of that. I just told him that he better check with his client before making that statement.

I talked with my lawyer afterwards and he said it doesn't seem fair but this is the way it works. The law is suppose to protect the women who need it but it can get abused.

Later, I text her nicely asking if I could have dinner with the boys since I was in town. She text back saying she didn't think it was a good idea. I was "nice" and just said that it was too bad as I thought the boys would have appreciated it. She text back that she thought so too but didn't want it to come back to bite her. I asked her what the heck that was suppose to mean and she said she didn't want to discuss it on text.

I called her and she said that she feels that she's been doing all these "nice" things for me and felt that I wasn't helping her or being nice to her.

I had a WTF moment and asked her how was it nice that she's cheated on me and filed for divorce and then lied and kicked my ass all year until I found out the truth. I asked her how would her mom feel if her dad, who cheated on her and left her, asked her for help/favors? I said everytime she asked me for help/favors, I was tempted to tell her to ask the guy she cheating on me with but I don't as it would be mean. I told her that every time I see her I'm disgusted by what's she's done.

All this year she's been very selfish and asked her to just for one time, think about what would best for the boys, before saying no to letting me take them for dinner tonite. She then said I could

I then told her that I am done and have caught up to her relative to moving on. Right now I want all this BS settled. I asked her about my email over the weekend. She said that she didn't agree with it that's why she didn't answer. I told her that if she didn't agree, why didn't she tell me that because I still hadn't learned to read minds. She didn't say anything. Then I asked what she disagreed with. She said the number. I told her I left the number blank so she could fill it in, so how could she disagree with that. She then said sorry. I told her that's she's got a lot more to appologize for than just that.

So I told her that I have no problem putting it all out there to get it settled as I have nothing to hide from my friends and family. I had honored my vows.I told her I hadn't told anyone what I know, but as this thing drags out, someone is going to ask me eventually what happened. I told her that I will tell the truth as I've always done. She can not say that she's done that. I told her that I will let other's make up their mind once they know the truth but reminded her how she felt about her dad cheating and leaving her mom.

So with that, I told her to make sure she comes up what she truly feels is fair for all the crap. I told her that I've always proposed things where I would take either side of the proposal. She has not. So make sure that what ever she comes up with, she should be comfortable taking either side of it. If she's gonna keep being selfish about it, it will come back to bite her.

I feel better telling her that I'm done and she's gotta find another punching bag. If she wants to battle, I will battle and ultimately, I will let her friends, family and our boys judge her once they all know the truth and how she's been lying to them all.

The really crazy part was she said that she wished that she had done this years ago. I stopped her and just asked her to really think about what she was saying. That if she did this years ago, we wouldn't have had our 3 year ol). So is that what's she's saying? That she regrets having him? She didn't say anything.

Then she said that she felt I never cared about her. I told her that I cared about her right up to the point I found out the truth. I then asked her how much does she think the guy she's cheated on me with that then dump her really care about her. Again, just silence.

So, I feel like it was a crappy day but I do feel "free"

Crazy isn't it.......

So I continue to move forward. Not down the path I wanted, but the path I've been thrusted down. I will make a wonderful life out of it, for me and for our boys.

My boys were really surprised when I picked them up today. I did tell them that I would drop them back at mommy's place after dinner. My 7 year old was sad but tried to hide it but my 3 year old was really upset. I told them I know that they're sad but let's spend the time we do have together and enjoy it. We went bowling and then went to a restaurant that they both have been telling me about (their mother would take thbem there). It was a really good time.

When I dropped them off, my 7 year old seemed a little sad, but my 3 year old lost it. Just as he was about to go through her apt door, he turned back around to try and give me another hug. She stopped him and scooped him up as he was screaming daddy. I was sad, but tried to sound strong as I said "I love you baby bear and brother bear. I will see you tomorrow to take you home"

With that, she shut the door and all I could do was hear him crying. I drove away and it renewed my resolve to fit to get custody of my boys.

So, I will see my boys again in less 19 hours......

Thanks for everyone's support.

[sandi2]

I hope that was a type of closure for you. Maybe that was why you felt free b/c you got all that stuff off your chest.

I have learned that as surprising as it always seems to be....there are a lot of people who simply do not see themselves being selfish and self-centered. Everything is always about "them" and they can take something a person says and completely turn it around as to how they interpret it. So, some people apparently don't have the ability to see how their behavior appears......and some just don't care. They are selfish and will continue to be that way until the day they die.

A lot of things about our laws have not caught up with the times, yet....regarding protection of the women....as you were explaining. On the other hand.....so many daddys are getting custody of the children these days....and it use to almost be unheard of, so I think you would stand a good chance. At least your boys would know you fought for them.

I'll be anxious to hear how things go.

[antlers]

CIPA, you fought your heart out to preserve your marriage and your family...she didn't want it. Now, fight your heart out to come out of this thing as well as you possibly can for your boys and yourself. As you told me..."this is the war that nobody wins".

[confusedinpa]

Well, 2009 is turning into a banner year. They just eliminated my position so I'm unemployed again. Can't wait till 2010 :-(

[MrBond]

Ouch! Sorry to hear that buddy.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. She can't ask for much if you don't have much. Sorry to hear about how she tried to throw her sh*t back at you yesterday too. Sometimes it's unbelievable how much venom our WASs spew to satisfy their own conscience.

[Gnosis]

Hey CiPA, I'm still following. Here a few more silver linings:

- You'll be free for the holidays with the boys
- You can catch up on all the lost time with them

And take this as very tongue in cheek: Now you can claim alimony and child support from your WAW.

You're doing great man. Yeah, this is a slight hiccup. Another positive that could come out of this is that now you can look for work closer to home. PMA man. Look for the good things in life.