In shock...

[Super Girl]

My spidey senses are tingling, and I'm not liking this dynamic with the sister. This won't end well.

[TrentC]

My spidey senses are tingling, and I'm not liking this dynamic with the sister. This won't end well.

Like I said: "And then it just happened..."

PiGA, from this point on you must assume that there is at least an emotional affair going on between your husband and your sister, if not a physical one. I would refrain from snooping unless you're sure you can deal with finding proof of an EA or PA, but keep your eyes and ears open.

I believe Puppy says that it is very rare that a man leaves his wife just because they're not in love anymore; there is almost always another woman involved.

[MrBond]

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!

The one thing you have to realize is that we've ALL received this exact same talk.

He is looking for your "permission" to file for D because it will alleviate HIS guilt. Don't give in to it. Don't let his badgering get to you.

Tell him that what he does is up to him. You do not believe in D and so you will not do anything to push it. He, however, can do what he wants to. And then walk away.

WALK AWAY.

Keep the answers short and sweet. If he chases after, tell him that you don't have anything more to say to him if he is still stuck on the same subject.

WALK AWAY STRONG AND CONFIDENT. Cry when you are away from him.

DO NOT cry in front of him. Go for a drive. Do something to get out.

DO NOT let him see you buckle.

[praying_in_GA]

I foresee "And then it just happened..." in your future.

This is why we were so frustrated by your conversation with your sister. You should have known that everything you said would be relayed to your husband, and probably not in the best light.

He said he went through my history on my computer to see if I was looking at his records. I asked what else he saw. He said he didn't look too far, once he saw I was looking he decided to change his carrier. He said he saw I have been on some divorce websites but didn't look further.

Don't give him any answers about anything right now. Give yourself a day or two to think it over (and if he asks, that's what you tell him you are doing). And above all, don't sign anything before you are ready.

If he's already working on divorce papers, you need to talk to a divorce lawyer immediately. You need to protect yourself because despite what your H might say about "making this easy", divorce proceedings are painful and adversarial.

If he is not living in the house with you, then you "go dark" to him. You don't respond to any msgs or phone calls that don't involve interacting for the sake of the kids. If he wants to come over, you have plans. If he stops by unannounced, you were just getting ready to leave. (The same goes double for your sister.)

If he is living in the house with you, then he gets kicked to the curb. He can find a place to stay while things get worked out. (Hopefully, it won't be with your sister...)

Is this harsh? Yes, but consider where you are right now; on the verge of getting divorced. Nothing you do now can make it any worse.

He has not started the papers yet. He said he won't until I agree because he can't afford a contested divorce. He is not living with us. He is living with is sister. We already barely see or speak to each other unless it involves the kids. We see each other for 5 min a day on days I work and speak maybe a min or two each night so he can tell them good night. He doesn't come to the house unless it is a night I work, he doesn't want to. Basically, he has already gone dark on me.

He stays at our house when I work because the kids can't stay with his sister. There is nowhere for them to sleep. And, we have a great dane that cannot stay in her crate all night. I have actually considered letting her go back to her breeder to make things a little easier on me.

I am NOT signing anything. I do not agree with the divorce and so I am not signing saying I do. I have the number a good lawyer from a friend. Should I go ahead and have a phone consultation with her?

There is a birthday party on his side this week. The kids and I were going to go. Would I need to skip this to go dark? Also, his family insists I come to Thanksgiving dinner should I also plan to skip this?

Thank you for responding.

[praying_in_GA]

My spidey senses are tingling, and I'm not liking this dynamic with the sister. This won't end well.

Like I said: "And then it just happened..."

PiGA, from this point on you must assume that there is at least an emotional affair going on between your husband and your sister, if not a physical one. I would refrain from snooping unless you're sure you can deal with finding proof of an EA or PA, but keep your eyes and ears open.

I believe Puppy says that it is very rare that a man leaves his wife just because they're not in love anymore; there is almost always another woman involved.

And I am. The problem is that I need her. I am so sad over this. My kids LOVE her kids and it would be good for them to spend more time with them. It is very good for my daughter. My sister is very adamant that nothing is happening and I still find it hard to think of them together. But, I never saw myself getting divorced either.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I know you told me to take a break but I need some advice. H inititated a discussion tonight. He said he changed his phone carrier totally. He is completely emotionly detached. He said that he needs to find someone who will accept him for his faults and is easy to talk to.

A: "Gee, I'm really sorry you feel that way. Maybe you're right. Look, I hate to cut you off, but I was just leaving. We'll catch up later, okay?"

END OF DISCUSSION.

NONE of the rest of that should have ever even happened.

TAKE A BREAK, PiGA. And for goshsakes, avoid your husband, and avoid your sister, and get legal counsel immediately.

Puppy

[praying_in_GA]

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!

The one thing you have to realize is that we've ALL received this exact same talk.

He is looking for your "permission" to file for D because it will alleviate HIS guilt. Don't give in to it. Don't let his badgering get to you.

Tell him that what he does is up to him. You do not believe in D and so you will not do anything to push it. He, however, can do what he wants to. And then walk away.

WALK AWAY.

Keep the answers short and sweet. If he chases after, tell him that you don't have anything more to say to him if he is still stuck on the same subject.

WALK AWAY STRONG AND CONFIDENT. Cry when you are away from him.

DO NOT cry in front of him. Go for a drive. Do something to get out.

DO NOT let him see you buckle.

It does make me feel better that the things he has said other have heard. Sorry for that.

I am not agreeing to a divorce, I do not want one and I am not going to be pressured into one. I also do not cry in front of him, I haven't for almost a week.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Duct tape.

Or a clean sock.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My spidey senses are tingling, and I'm not liking this dynamic with the sister. This won't end well.

Like I said: "And then it just happened..."

PiGA, from this point on you must assume that there is at least an emotional affair going on between your husband and your sister, if not a physical one. I would refrain from snooping unless you're sure you can deal with finding proof of an EA or PA, but keep your eyes and ears open.

I believe Puppy says that it is very rare that a man leaves his wife just because they're not in love anymore; there is almost always another woman involved.

And I am. The problem is that I need her. I am so sad over this. My kids LOVE her kids and it would be good for them to spend more time with them. It is very good for my daughter. My sister is very adamant that nothing is happening and I still find it hard to think of them together. But, I never saw myself getting divorced either.

You "need" the woman who is having -- AT BEST -- an inappropriate relationship with your husband, and you think "it would be good" for your kids to spend more time with the woman who is likely contributing to the breakup of your family?????

I'm speechless.

[praying_in_GA]

I know you told me to take a break but I need some advice. H inititated a discussion tonight. He said he changed his phone carrier totally. He is completely emotionly detached. He said that he needs to find someone who will accept him for his faults and is easy to talk to.

A: "Gee, I'm really sorry you feel that way. Maybe you're right. Look, I hate to cut you off, but I was just leaving. We'll catch up later, okay?"

END OF DISCUSSION.

NONE of the rest of that should have ever even happened.

TAKE A BREAK, PiGA. And for goshsakes, avoid your husband, and avoid your sister, and get legal counsel immediately.

Puppy

I cannot afford legal council. I have no money. I cannot afford to live without the money he is paying right now. I have too much going out right now.

After taxes are done I can pay down some of the car and trade in to get a smaller car with a lower payment and less gas money. I have to move in the next year to a different countys so my daughter can go to school. As it stands now, all I can afford are the car payment, the debt consolidation loan I have out, and the mortgage on the house. We have always had separate bank accounts. He pays the house bills, car insurance, groceries, and cell phone bill. I pay the mortgage, my loan, my car note, and the health insurance. I have tried to think of ways to get more money in my pocket, but I come up empty.

It will kill my kids to be away from their cousins. I am so sad about that.