In shock...

[praying_in_GA]

I foresee "And then it just happened..." in your future.

This is why we were so frustrated by your conversation with your sister. You should have known that everything you said would be relayed to your husband, and probably not in the best light.

He said he went through my history on my computer to see if I was looking at his records. I asked what else he saw. He said he didn't look too far, once he saw I was looking he decided to change his carrier. He said he saw I have been on some divorce websites but didn't look further.

Don't give him any answers about anything right now. Give yourself a day or two to think it over (and if he asks, that's what you tell him you are doing). And above all, don't sign anything before you are ready.

If he's already working on divorce papers, you need to talk to a divorce lawyer immediately. You need to protect yourself because despite what your H might say about "making this easy", divorce proceedings are painful and adversarial.

If he is not living in the house with you, then you "go dark" to him. You don't respond to any msgs or phone calls that don't involve interacting for the sake of the kids. If he wants to come over, you have plans. If he stops by unannounced, you were just getting ready to leave. (The same goes double for your sister.)

If he is living in the house with you, then he gets kicked to the curb. He can find a place to stay while things get worked out. (Hopefully, it won't be with your sister...)

Is this harsh? Yes, but consider where you are right now; on the verge of getting divorced. Nothing you do now can make it any worse.

He has not started the papers yet. He said he won't until I agree because he can't afford a contested divorce. He is not living with us. He is living with is sister. We already barely see or speak to each other unless it involves the kids. We see each other for 5 min a day on days I work and speak maybe a min or two each night so he can tell them good night. He doesn't come to the house unless it is a night I work, he doesn't want to. Basically, he has already gone dark on me.

He stays at our house when I work because the kids can't stay with his sister. There is nowhere for them to sleep. And, we have a great dane that cannot stay in her crate all night. I have actually considered letting her go back to her breeder to make things a little easier on me.

I am NOT signing anything. I do not agree with the divorce and so I am not signing saying I do. I have the number a good lawyer from a friend. Should I go ahead and have a phone consultation with her?

There is a birthday party on his side this week. The kids and I were going to go. Would I need to skip this to go dark? Also, his family insists I come to Thanksgiving dinner should I also plan to skip this?

Thank you for responding.