I'm sorry. I have tried to type so many times. I feel paralyzed. I had nothing to say. I felt so ashamed. This man loves me, but doesn't love me enough to want me happy and satisfied.
My health situation is a little bit scary. I have svt, which, I believe is an arrhythmia (mine was way elevated - heart rate was 285 when I got to the hospital). Weird though, I was in and out of ER in less than two hours. H was working out of town, and my bff was w/me. One shot of something in the IV that stopped my heart for a bit, and re-set the rate, and I rested for an hour and left. I have to go to the cardiologist next week. We'll see.
H was worried, although didn't tell me so... I could tell because he told some of my fellow soccer mom friends about it (when I was at other son's game). H's defense mechanism/comfort zone is humor, and he told the story in an odd/funny way. That's how I know he was/is concerned.
Yesterday one of my friends mentioned the incident to my H, in front of me at a bball game. She told him that her hubby (who is an MD) told her to tell me that an arrhythmia is caused by not enough sex.(SHE HAS NO IDEA OF OUR SITUATION, was just being funny.) H smiled at her w/this kind of dorky smile, and didn't have a word in reply (odd for him, as he's quite verbose). He saw my face change, once she turned around... then kept drawing me into conversations, while I was trying to focus on the game so I wouldn't cry. We came home, and he kept telling me how I "just didn't look good." Rest. Sleep.
It's sad.
Goals? The only one I have is that I need to be heard. Badly.
I miss you guys. Thank you for looking for me.
How are you, my friends???
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
