Listen to everyone here. They know what they are talking about. My W getting a place of her own was not the end of our marriage. It was a new beginning for it.
You are entirely too focused on the wrong person. You are focusing all your energy on your spouse. (ya ya, I been there done that, it DOES NOT WORK) DBing is focusing your energy on YOU (ya ya, still doing that AND IT IS WORKING).
When you interact with spouse (or your children), tough love works. Project that you are happy with or without her. Treat her like you treat everyone else. And here is the catch - self reflect on how you treat others, make positive changes to the way you treat others.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"If you have a WAW b/c of her feelings for OM....then she needs tough love to be applied."
Yes agreed. My WAW did not leave due to any feelings for an OM, but b/c of the lack of feelings from ME.
My problem as I see it was that I was under the misconception that Boundaries were of a forceful nature. I projected them as being of a harsh manner - I took the protection of myself too far. I see how this was wrong.
"open your mind, some of your views are dysfunctional" Please elaborate.
Hi Tristan,
"My W getting a place of her own was not the end of our marriage. It was a new beginning for it." I am blinded by if my WAW was to rent her own place that this would be a long term thing. My WAW has told me tonight that she doesn't want to and can not afford to rent somewhere else. She is either an Oscar winning actress, or I can only believe it is the truth. But, I do not see everything and as I wrote earlier, I can be blind to some things. I only hope this is not one of these times.
Hi R2C,
"You are entirely too focused on the wrong person. You are focusing all your energy on your spouse." I know. I know. I know. I am finding this difficult - the detaching is very hard.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
