This is his problem not yours. Don't enter into this triangle. Relationships work best direct. Father-Daughter, Husband-Wife
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The first thought that comes to mind is C for your kid/kids to help them cope with the situation.
I would ask her about it, but if she doesn't want to talk about it right now, allow that. Let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk about anything at all and just love on her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Maybe Coach is right. But I would still let her know she can always talk to you about anything that is bothering her. Also, you might look into C for her.
I'm not an expert. Trying to figure this stuff out myself to.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
H just forwarded an email. One of our kids emailed him begging him to come home. Said if he loved them he wouldn't have left. He wrote her back telling her to tell me what she said and have me tell her he didn't leave because he doesn't love them.
No freaking way do you do that. He gets to face the consequences of his decision like a big boy.
Originally Posted By: Sad Girl
I'm ignoring him, but should I talk to her?
Tell your kids that it was their father's choice to leave, not yours.
Reassure them that you love them, and that if he wants to come back you're willing to discuss it with him.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I don't think you should try to control what the kids send to him. They have their own feelings, and their own emotions, and it's not your place, or his, to try to control them.
I agree with coach. I wouldn't bring it up with her. If he wants to tell her he didn't leave because he doesn't love her, then he should do it. Unless she asks, I also don't think you should be telling her that it was his choice to leave. When you talk about it, it would be fair to say it isn't what you wanted, but it may have been necessary. The less negative emotion you stir up between the kids and their dad, the better, in my opinion. I'm forgetting, how old are they?
Last edited by Virtually_Handsome; 11/12/0912:18 AM.
I try to only say good things about him, but my oldest always has some snide retort. Her sisters hang on her every word. I've spoken to her about it, but she still lashes out sometimes.
Here's the thing. They aren't stupid! They see things, and they know say more than we ever think they do. She is lashing out because she saw what happened, and she does blame him. You can't stop that, either. My I might not have been clear, I was disagreeing with Trent saying that you should tell her it was his choice to leave. She probably knows that, and you don't have to hide it. Just don't emphasize it.
