No one said piecing was gonna be easy...

[optimist]

I know Jackie, I am just so confused right now. I guess it just shows I do not trust him (some news!), that I feel very threatened by just having OW there. That I am procrastinating... or we both are. I do not know.

I quote myself, from my old thread. It still holds:

And yes, Shiny, I do think he has some kind of attachment with OW still, but I am not sure of what it is. I want to think, with Bill, that he feels guilty and responsible.

Let's face it: he told her he loved her and wanted to marry her, that he was waiting for our D to be final (when he had not even filed and never did); he had her working in the office convinced that she was working in their bussiness when by law it was ours (Texas is a community property state); he took her to his family's house so that she gave his mother PT and letting her think that she was one of them while they considered that she was only 'his whore' and told him to 'dump her' behind her back (got that one from a good friend of his who was around); he finally moved in with her only because I kicked him out of our house and even then while he was attending her son's wedding he bought me a wedding band for my birthday; while living with her, he spent all his waking moments with me; and finally he left her only 5 weeks later EVEN BEFORE I KNEW for sure about the A; he was even going to counselling with me during that time to 2 counsellors at once!

When I learned about the A, I filed for D and he begged me not to, to give him and our M a chance, and he has been stalling for time since then. If he had wanted to marry OW, he would have done it a long, long time ago. Even before our D was born.

To add insult to injury she is 13 years older than I am, and considerably less pretty (modest me ), with less financial resources (believe me, I do not need my H to give me alimony) and more encumbrances (both familial and from her past). She does not even speak his mother language (a huge thing with him)-I do- and is in the other end of the political and religious spectrum than he is. Add to that the fact that her former H dropped her after 20-some years of M (he even sent her out of town so that he could change all the locks on her) and the picture becomes pathetic.

So based on facts, on his actions, not his words, I have to conclude that he does not want to marry her and maybe does not love her. If he did I would not have a chance. But that does not mean he loves me in return.

He has lied so much and for so long that I do not even know what is true and what is false any more. And I fear that lying has become second nature to him (or perhaps it always was) and I have changed all I could change. I am so tired...