Coping with Bi-Polar WAW

[CountingCrows]

Not an issue. No pot in the house. It left when she did, and she doesn't bring it over when she comes to see s7. We've already been very open and honest with him about pot. Someday this country will open their eyes and realize what a scam the criminalization of this plant has been. It's happening right now ( Breckenridge Votes to Legalize ) , but I understand that some people will never change their negative views on it, just as I will unlikely change my views on alcohol. Yes, the fact that it is currently illegal in my state has been a concern for my W and I for many years, but at this time, it's not an issue in my house.

I do have more patience than some, but it seems that everyone believes that first and foremost I need to tell her to cut off contact with OM. Although I could be being over-trusting or just completely naive, but I truly believe that what they have isn't the same as a EA. She's always had male friends and I've always been fine with that because I was secure in our relationship and knew that they were platonic. Even the guy W lost her virginity to has remained friends with her to this day. We go out with him every time we visit her hometown, and there's no problem on my part.

Again, maybe naively, I believe that this was more of a horrible self-destructive, self-degrading "ooops" on her part, although she made the conscious decision to cheat on me, and has owned up to it. To call what they've had going on since that time an EA is still a question on my mind. Her C asked her about the nature of the R with OM, if she loved him, did they flirt or do "sexting" and were still having PA and she told C "NO", it wasn't anything like that. She has been a cutter since about 8 years old, and apparently OM is/was one as well. OM's spent a lot of years in therapy and seems to know how to help her not be so self-destructive. She hasn't done anything like that since the day I found out she cheated on me, when she put out a cigarette into her wrist. I thought she had cut herself the day after she moved out, but had instead written in colored sharpies all of the horrible things she considers herself all over her forearm instead. She didn't show it to me, but I caught a small glance and asked her pull up her sleeve, so it's not something she's doing for the attention or anything, but she found a way to release whatever she needed to without physically abusing herself.

Can I honestly say I feel comfortable with her still having ANY type of R with him, after what happened...not really. Could I get past it without her cutting him off completely? Probably if she showed me the dedication to our R and I completely believed that she could keep the boundaries of friendship and that there never would be anything that could be considered an A, E or otherwise. OM is a musician, and has many groupies. He also works at a head shop and has his own fanbase there. He gets advances by lots of cuter/younger girls than my W, and apparently takes advantage of those opportunities regularly. W has told me that she knows that NO relationship that starts with cheating has a chance, and that she's not interested in that from him.

I know that I sound like I'm doing nothing but trying to justify her actions or make excuses for her. I'm really just trying to stream-of-thought and get out some more details that might help you guys understand why I haven't demanded that she cut off contact with OM yet. I think with or without him in the picture, it's going to be a rough reconciliation, but it's not the same as W falling in love with someone else, or moving out to be with OM, like I see so much of here on this forum.

Then again, I could just be the world's most gullible cuckold.