Step off the emotional rollercoaster then and step up to her w/ more authority & get her to really look at things. Right now, you are placating her. You are "allowing" her to do whatever she wants to do. You aren't standing up to her.
Re-read all the material about what YOU ARE ALLOWING her to do while still living in the marital home.
Stand up for yourself & make her respect you again!!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I did call her out on the sleeping around talk this weekend. I was livid. I told her that she needed to pack her things and leave. Well as bull headed as she is she said she pays the bills too and that this is her house and she wasn't leaving. Things got ugly. And yes I know she doesn't respect me... that is way too obvious by now... I am at a loss at what to do, she isn't budging...
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
To add another note I pushed the respect issue to her this weekend, and she comes right back with we're seperated. Anyone dealt with this stubborn of a wife before?
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
I am so full of rage now. I am angry that she has the nerve to do this to me and my daughter. I am angry at myself for letting her lose respect in me. How do you come back from that when she doesn't take you serious? I didn't want this to get ugly but I am at a loss. Truthfully I am tired of the sh*t! I have worked my a** of to get where I am at, to provide for her and give her the best lifestyle that I could. This is what I get?!?!
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
I am angry at myself for letting her lose respect in me.
BZZT! Wrong answer. You can't "let" someone lose respect for you. That's a decision they make on their own.
Originally Posted By: 2overcome
How do you come back from that when she doesn't take you serious?
Simple; you don't care what she thinks. You make your changes for yourself. She'll start to believe when it's been 3-4 weeks (or 3-4 months) and you're still the new, improved you.
Originally Posted By: 2overcome
I have worked my a** of to get where I am at, to provide for her and give her the best lifestyle that I could. This is what I get?!?!
Read His Needs Her Needs and The Five Love Languages.
Just because you have been providing what you could doesn't mean you actually were meeting her needs.
People are complicated; she may appreciate the financial stability that you provide, but been frustrated because she wants to spend more time with you, or needed to hear that you love and respect her.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
How do you come back from that when she doesn't take you serious?
Actually, the good news is that the less you've done of that (standing up for yourself) in the past, the EASIER it is to make a pretty bold statement. She expects so little from you, that it wouldn't really take much to represent a "180" for you.
Do NOT operate from a position of ANGER or RAGE, however. Real men command respect by calm, steady strength, not by angry outbursts.
I suggest you do a Search on Robx's posts, and take a few days to read them. Your answers lie in their wealth.
I am angry at myself for letting her lose respect in me.
BZZT! Wrong answer. You can't "let" someone lose respect for you. That's a decision they make on their own.
Originally Posted By: 2overcome
How do you come back from that when she doesn't take you serious?
Simple; you don't care what she thinks. You make your changes for yourself. She'll start to believe when it's been 3-4 weeks (or 3-4 months) and you're still the new, improved you.
Originally Posted By: 2overcome
I have worked my a** of to get where I am at, to provide for her and give her the best lifestyle that I could. This is what I get?!?!
Read His Needs Her Needs and The Five Love Languages.
Just because you have been providing what you could doesn't mean you actually were meeting her needs.
People are complicated; she may appreciate the financial stability that you provide, but been frustrated because she wants to spend more time with you, or needed to hear that you love and respect her.
Your right. Especially about the needs. According to her I didn't fulfill her emotional needs.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
I am so full of rage now. I am angry that she has the nerve to do this to me and my daughter.
Quote:
This is what I get?!?!
You are angry because you are acting like a victim. A victim has things done to them by another person. You have a choice in how your wifes treats you. A strong, confident man will choose to be honorable and take care of business.
"Wife, I have decided that I will not share you with another man. If you go out this weekend with OM then I will pack your belongings up and move them into the gargage. Then I will proceed with getting a divorce."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
