The way I typed that made it unclear. I meant she had been telling me for years that her feelings for me were not what they should be. We had been in MC for many years. We wrestled endlessly with why she felt this way. She always just blamed me and my behavior, but now that I've been detached for a while, and now that I've learned so much, I can see that's BS. Nothing I did in our M warranted her attitude toward me.
I was finally vindicated when recently during one of our talks, she told me that it wasn't because of me. She has been working on her own issues, and she said abuse in her childhood made her unable to trust me, and caused her to see me as abusive, when I really wasn't. This led to her emotional withdrawal.
The book "Love Without Hurt" has really helped me understand how our R was broken. I told her about it and she immediately offered to read it.
