Thank you everybody. I appreciate everything you say. I kind of did something good today...my H "dropped" by again this morning, with no phone call ahead, I was in the middle of painting the basement and he says, oh sorry guess I should have called first. I said, "Yes, you should have. I would appreciate it if you would start calling before you come over" He apologized and took the kids and left. He was having a grumpy morning and felt he needed family time...that's it. His best friend who is single is busy today and so H is feeling lonely and has nobody. So he thought he could stroll in here and hang out with me to make him feel better. Well for the first time ever, I put a stop to it. He also asked if he could drop off our youngest earlier tonight so he could take the eldest to a hockey game, but I told him I have plans, so he'll have to take both. Ha! I just have to make plans now...I feel like I made leaps and bounds today. As when he was leaving he seemed very down. I wanted nothing more but to give him a big hug and kiss, but I smiled, wished him and the boys a good day and said goodbye.
I am working on myself today. Lunch with his sis, spa party this afternoon, possibly a movie tonight. Its a me day. No more focusing on him. I'm going to focus on myself. Its his loss, not mine. Thanks again everybody for being there for me, I feel like you are there for me more than some of my close friends, and you don't even know me. These are the hardest times of our lives and I appreciate everybody trying to help me through it.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Thank you everybody. I appreciate everything you say. I kind of did something good today...my H "dropped" by again this morning, with no phone call ahead, I was in the middle of painting the basement and he says, oh sorry guess I should have called first. I said, "Yes, you should have. I would appreciate it if you would start calling before you come over" He apologized and took the kids and left. He was having a grumpy morning and felt he needed family time...that's it. His best friend who is single is busy today and so H is feeling lonely and has nobody. So he thought he could stroll in here and hang out with me to make him feel better. Well for the first time ever, I put a stop to it. He also asked if he could drop off our youngest earlier tonight so he could take the eldest to a hockey game, but I told him I have plans, so he'll have to take both. Ha!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
P.S. I sure wish PDT was as smart as he is now back when I was going through my sitch! Take his advice. You need to grow as a person and you will be much happier w/ yourself either way it goes!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Thank you everybody. It felt good. It was even better cause he didnt expect it. And i could tell he was bothered. Had lunch with his sister and she is confused as well. She stated he talks to her like nothing has happened between us. But im going to continue what im doing. It feels hard but okay today. Day one though.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
I wish I was as wise as I am now back when I was going thru MY OWN sitch!!
It's never near as easy to see your own forest, for all the trees.
Yeah & we were "there" at the same time too, so that makes a huge difference as well.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Thank you everybody. It felt good. It was even better cause he didnt expect it. And i could tell he was bothered. Had lunch with his sister and she is confused as well. She stated he talks to her like nothing has happened between us. But im going to continue what im doing. It feels hard but okay today. Day one though.
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But there is & he needs to realize that his actions are going to have repercussions!
He can live day to day, going out & having a good time and acting like nothing has changed, BUT IT SURE HAS FOR YOU!
I seriously think he may do a big 180 himself if you keep up the boundaries.
-no more just walking in the house, sorry, bud, you don't live here anymore & that was BY YOUR CHOICE.
-no more intimacy - go back & read the advice from PDT & Trent & others about what to say in those instances. "It seems you aren't sure you want our M or not, so I don't feel comfortable w/ any intimacy w/ you until you figure it out"
He's cake eating. Maybe there isn't an OW, but he's living his life the way HE wants to & expecting you to sit around & wait for his decision on whether he wants you & his family or not & that's not fair to you.
Put your foot down, make him see a strong, sexy, good looking, good smelling, awesome dressing woman that he would be silly (or I could use more stronger terms if you'd like) to let go! Sooner or later, that lady is going to turn the head or heads of others & it's going to be too late for him to back-pedal. He better start doing it now!
Last edited by RedHeadWife; 11/11/0910:35 PM.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
