I never thought I would be here

[2overcome]

Well, I can honestly say I have backslided a few times especially last night. But after talking to my wife last night, I am cominng to grips that it's probably too late for the marriage to be saved. I am now working on trying to let go. When my wife is set on something, she is bound and determined - and she gets it done. In the back of my mind I know even the most bleak situations can change, but at this point I am not getting my hopes up. I think I am trying to prepare myself for the worst just to save any more pain as I am dealing with enough already. From this point on I just need to focus on working out my issues. I may consider counseling for myself to face some of these things I have struggled with all my life and to have a better sense of myself. I might still post here just to journal my progress. Thanks everyone for your support and advice. It's time for me to move on...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well yesterday, just as I thought as was holding it together pretty well - My wife called and told me she had pawned off her wedding rings. That definately cut deep. Looks like she is not wasting any time. Despite that, I am choosing to continue to keep mine on. If it comes down to D being final and legal - well that's a different story. Still working on the LRT, it feels unnatural but I suspect if I keep at it will become second nature. Doing my best to be the good soldier and push through the mine field...

I'm so sorry, 2O. She will regret this -- deeply -- someday.

Just a thought, but do you know for a fact that she did? Or did she just SAY that she did?

Puppy

[2overcome]

Considering what she said she got for it and according to the bank records it adds up (she deposited the cash into the account). She doesn't have them on either so that is the other sign.

[2overcome]

To add to that, she had told me last night that 6 months into our marriage that she had doubts (Next month would have made 7 years). She said if we hadn't had our daughter she probably would have left me within the first year. From what she was saying, I gathered that she has been thinking about this for a long time. The past 2 weeks is probably what kick started the initiative to divorce for her. The fact that she is listening to some of her friends doesn't seem to be helping either. She had told me last night that one of her girl friends had told her to "sh*t or get off the pot" when it came to getting the divorce, so in her mind it's full speed ahead.

[Gnosis]

2OC it ain't over until it's over... and even then sometimes it isn't.

Your wife sounds like she is deep into the fog of an affair. When this is the case you have three choices:

a) find out and do your best to expose the affair
b) batten down the hatches and hope that you'll still retain some semblance of sanity until the affair is over
c) let go

As counter-intuitive as this may sound, you've reached a good point. You're prepared to let go.

Your next step is to look out for yourself and your child/ren. Prepare yourself mentally for the worst kind of divorce you ever thought possible. It might not go down like that, but prepare for it. Find yourself the means father's rights attorney you can if you want custody. Since she's hell-bent on divorce, its your job to show her the bleak reality of divorce - especially the warts. This MAY shake her up a bit.

By the way, the sale of the rings... don't forget that you're entitled to 50% of the proceeds. She's converted your gift into cash... and well... half of that is yours. Ooops!

The way I see it, you only have the option of LRT left and tough love.

Good luck and I hope you continue posting here.

[RedHeadWife]

I just read your thread and, coming from a woman's POV, I REALLY think you might be a lot further ahead than you are right now & your wife may not have pawned her rings (I can't even believe that sh**t!!) if you had listened to PTD, Cutter, Rob, etc.

**********SHE NO LONGER RESPECTS YOU************

and that is so important to a woman. I'm not trying to be mean or knock you when you're down, but this is the bottom line.

I understand the way you are deciding to go about things, but I have to say, if you were to start standing up to her about her affair and the disrespect she is showing, it may flip her around a bit.

************SHAKE HER UP A LITTLE BIT BY
DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY************

You'll see it time & time again around here -- you're letting her run all over you & you're just kind of going along w/ everything she seems to want -- HOW'S THAT WORKING FOR YOU? Not very well, huh, THEN CHANGE YOUR TACTICS.

I swear you need to go back & read your thread again & all the advice from the very beginning, back up & start over again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

To add to that, she had told me last night that 6 months into our marriage that she had doubts (Next month would have made 7 years). She said if we hadn't had our daughter she probably would have left me within the first year. From what she was saying, I gathered that she has been thinking about this for a long time. The past 2 weeks is probably what kick started the initiative to divorce for her. The fact that she is listening to some of her friends doesn't seem to be helping either. She had told me last night that one of her girl friends had told her to "sh*t or get off the pot" when it came to getting the divorce, so in her mind it's full speed ahead.

Bullhockey. It's just classic "re-writing of marital history" infidelity b.s.

Let me take a wild-ass guess, that she never EXPRESSED any of these grave doubts, prior to her affair here recently?

Puppy

[2overcome]

As far as the affair, I believe she is running straight into one... According to her words we are seperated and she is going to do whatever she wants. She is already planning to go out this weekend with her guy "friend" who is coming in from out of town. I had told her last night that I'm not seeing anyone to everything's legal. She asked if this is what I wanted her to do, I told her yes that would be the respectful thing, but she is a grown woman and she has to live with her choices. (Because I know she is going to go her way no matter what I say). She keeps saying she wants to find that someone who completes her and not live in an unhappy marriage asking "what if". She even went on a laundry list of things she didn't like about me. I know her vision is clouded, I try to remind myself of that - and chances are that she will find dissapointment and may regret what she has done - I don't know. IF that day comes, I may take her back, but I'm not going to wait forever no matter how much I love her. She's made her choice. It tears me apart knowing she is looking to sleep around - that she can do it without even feeling guilt. While I'm here alone and doing my best to push through the chaos she has put me through. The loss of emotional, physical, and intimate contact is killing me. On top of that it hasn't even been 2 weeks since she broke the news to me. I hate this emotional rollercoaster...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So you still didn't answer my question:


Let me take a wild-ass guess, that she never EXPRESSED any of these grave doubts, prior to her affair here recently?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

According to her words we are seperated and she is going to do whatever she wants. She is already planning to go out this weekend with her guy "friend" who is coming in from out of town.

Like I told you earlier, it's time to throw over the moneychangers' tables. She is basically PROACTIVELY telling you she's going to cheat on you this weekend.

So what is she going to come home to, an understanding welcoming committee?

If this were me, she would come home to a house with the locks changed, and all of her belongings in big plastic garbage bags, out on the porch.

But that's just me.

Puppy