You haven't run me off; I was just hoping to let you "chill." Because make no mistake, "chill" is what you need to do.
I'd suggest a 5-day break from the boards -- now thru the weekend -- and come back Monday, fresh. Use the time for meditation, prayer, and go back and re-read everyone's prior advice to you on your thread(s).
I've recommended this before to people, and sometimes it can open up new revelations. You're emotionally all over the map right now, and you're not going to be much good at implementing anything anyone would tell you right now anyway.
Pray about it; maybe even FAST one of those days, if you're so inclined. Ask God to give you wisdom, understanding, discernment and -- most of all -- CLARITY.
