trapt...I hear you. I, too, am looking forward to the new independence and the cessation of her hostilities (well, to a greater degree). It IS amazing how much one's eyes are opened.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yep. I agree. If I did't have to worry about the negative effects ex's drama has on my kids, I would be at peace. At home, my kids are happy, I'm happy, and all is good. Hope for the future and a great life. It's funny after you get through this how much you are just thankful for what you have right now and the little moments with your kids that really matter.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
How true SoCo. There is little you can do to change the law. If a spouse wants a divorce, you're going to lose half of your time with the kids. Period. Therefore, you have no other choice except to give your kids the maximum love and attention and make that time quality.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I dont feel sad or sorry for my kids now. I did during her fence sitting days when her indecision was like a knife in their backs. But now they are very well adjusted to the situation and are happy and loved by both parents (and future step dad).
I have at times really hurt for my kids, because of some of the stuff they have had to witness and endure. Do I feel sad for them all the time? No. I wouldn't even call it feeling sad for them, just empathizing with them for some of these issues.
As far as on my end, my kids and myself are actually happier on a daily basis then when we were married and living in the same house. It had become a very oppressive environment with everyone walking on eggshells and being unhappy. I feel that my relationship with my kids now is better than ever. We are very close and share lots of happy times. I don't feel that they are missing out on anything on my end. Do they sometimes have issues that come up and things they need to talk about? yes. But they come to me and we talk through things. They are happy kids. Mom is usually a happy mom. Overall things are good.
So, long answer short, I guess I do not feel sad for them. I do worry about them when they are away from me tremendously though. Ex is not emotionally stable.
Now, I can't speak to what they are like or what happens at ex's when he has them except for what they tell me, which is not sounding good. But, the majority of their time is spent with me and they are only over there every other weekend. More coming up with the school breaks though.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Do I ever put it on display or treat them any differently? No.
It's there at times though.
I could sit here for a long while explaining all the negative effects divorce has on children. You just can't shield them from every single one. Some are preventable, some are not. You simply have to do your best. So yes I do feel sad in a way for them having to experience that.
I feel they would be much better off having both parents happy, healthy, and together. Unfortunately that can't always happen.
I come from a divorced family and looking back I do see certain things I have struggled with in the past. However, I have never once felt sorry for myself for that reason so....
I feel sorry for the lack of connection my D's have with their Dad.
I'm sorry they hurt from it.
Are they better off that he's gone? I would say no, b/c we are introverts and his not being there puts a chasm between them.
I feel bad that this has happened and I see some of the impact in my D's R's. Fortunately the youngest is in counseling and that is helpful. The oldest writes and uses her art as an outlet.
Do I wallow in it and feel guilty? Wallow no, guilty, for my part in all of this. Having said that though, the biggest thing I learned to do was forgive myself for his leaving.
I think everyone is saying the same thing pretty much. Word choice is just different. It is best to have a happy healthy home with two happy healthy married parents, but when that is not possible, then other things come into consideration.
Of course, I have never been a child of divorce, my parents have been married for 39 years, so.... Guess I haven't been in those shoes.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Would I have made some of the choices I did anyway? No real way to tell, but my guess is no. Was I angry as a kid? Not until I hit my teenage years. Then it all went to hell. Could it have anyway? Yep. The only blame that gets placed here is on me for making those choices. I was lucky enough to find my way out. different people have differnt results with that.
Can kids do badly even in happy, healthy homes. Yeah, they can. There's just usually better resources for them.
