I don't know what I mean about planning for a divorce except that I feel hurt and rejected and things seem darker and more distant than they have in quite awhile. I guess I mean emotionally prepare myself for the possibility that H will ask for a D soon.
I asked the question, just so you would think about what you're really thinking. I know you're probably all over the map. It's easy to go there esp when things seem dark.
I ask myself questions and even answer them outloud (or on tape if I'm in a postion to do so), just to clarify my own thoughts. it helps me to see if I really believe what I just said.
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I will have failed my daughters and myself.
I understand. Think about this though, have you failed if you gave it all you had? Sometimes things are just beyond our control. In the event you can't save your M, you need to forgive yourself.
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The hurt/scared part of me is worried that this is the end of this journey.
I know. It doesn't have to be. I have a saying "T chose the road less traveled, now where the hell am I?? You will find a path. Trust me, if I can anybody can.
If you can find a way to work through (in your own head) the iffy's and put some positive (no, not I'm positive it's over, that doesn't count :P) into your head and mood. You might be surprised and you'll definately fell like you've got a handle on something.
I can't count the times I've thought "Ok, this is it, he's definately done, he'll file now."
I don't do that much anymore. Will I fall apart if it happens? for a moment, yeah. You see, in all of this muck and mire, I had forgotten how amazing I am. So, I get to fall apart if I need to. I know where the superglue is.
