Question

[LolaL]

I have to agree. There is a difference between needy and desparate.

I have a friend who told me men like to feel needed. But being needed and clinging are too different things.

Of course, this woman also pi$$es me off...if I were closer I would be tempted to find her and slap her silly because it seems to me that your H really does love you, and he is torn right now. She is not making it easy. She is the kind of woman that give the rest of us a bad name...

Sorry...just venting a bit! Hang in there sweetie...

[Lucky11too]

Yeah, just keep up with the strength and patience. I believe in the infidelity section in DR it talks about at some point giving at ultimatum about OW, but you are not there yet. It appears he is just started to rediscovery his feelings for you, so you just have to keep up with all the hard work and don't push him yet, let those feelsing grow, and he will come back to you slowly. It sure is hard being patience though, huh? I'm ready for us both to have these situations resolved already! haha.

[awest1217]

Thanks! She really drives me crazy too, because she tells H "I will support any decision you make", then in her next breath say how she will miss him, and he says how he will miss her and how they need each other...blah, blah, blah. At least that is how things have gone in the past, H is changing and his talk last night might have been saying how he wants to come home. All I know is that H is not calling her as much as he had been. She always calls him. I just wish she would leave him alone. He has a son and life with me, and she is not willing to leave her husband for my H so why even bother...AHHHH. She really drives me crazy and I can't stand her. If it were me, I would say leave me alone and be with your wife who is doing everything you asked her to do and more. I could see if I was still being a butt, but I have changed a lot. She always says I am manipulating him and when he came home even sent text messages saying how "did W let you take your medicine?" stuff like that. Anyway venting about OW will not help. I have to be patient and just pray that H will choose to do what is right.

On another note, S is getting tubes in November 27, which stinks because I have to miss "black friday" sales. I like to go shopping then just because, but maybe it is good since I don't have any disposable income. H is glad because neither of us have to miss work, but the next day I like to put up Christmas decorations so I hope S is up to it. This year is going to be really hard because no H (at least for right now) and the holidays and family are so important to me. Plus I have to see all the ornaments we got together (10 years worth) and decorations, but oh well. I will live my life.

Surprisingly I am not really too upset today. I am excited about the progress, just venting on here because I will see H tonight (if he sticks to the plan. He might cancel since he will be tired from staying up til 1 am talking), and I don't want to vent on him. I am excited, but guarded. Also I am working on the patience because that is my lowest quality.

[awest1217]

Today went really well. H was late because he made me a CD of "Glee" music because he knows I am obsessed with the show. Since H has been gone, the nights that it was on, I always had great facebook statuses so it shows how much he has been thinking about me. I told him how much I loved it, and even "showed off" to my sister and my friend because we all love the show. I know H loved that I was so excited about his gift, and I wasn't just acting. I love the CD.

We went grocery shopping which was great and H talked about getting another job because he does not have enough money. I don't understand because H has no bills and I asked about it and he can't explain it either. I mean now that he is giving me the child support, he has a total of $1200, which is calculating high, and he makes around $1900 take home, but he still is barely making ends meet. Who knows, but I just asked about it and let it go. We laughed some, sang together, and had fun getting groceries. I asked him for help when I needed it like picking stuff up for me in another aisle with S or helping push the cart. Usually I would have just done everything myself.

When we got back to the house, H instead of staying for dinner as planned said he "wasn't hungry" and "needed to get back to the house", he is not calling it his house as often, which is a small step. With S getting his tubes the day after Thanksgiving, I said something about Thanksgiving and the arrangements with S for the holidays. I didn't say anything about us, but I made sure to keep it to S and didn't bring up the fact that we weren't together or anything. I probably could have saved this for another time, but I never really know when I will talk to H and I need to plan Thanksgiving for me. H asked my plans and I said I was planning on going to my grandma's. I told him he is invited for Thanksgiving, but I need to know by next week so she can plan. He said he would like to come "because he has nothing else to do". Then I said he could have S for Christmas Eve (because H's extended family always does Christmas Eve) and I would have S for Christmas day. Then I said if I have S to myself on Thanksgiving then he could have him for New Year's Day. This brought tears to his eyes, but I just stayed matter of fact, not mean or angry, but plan oriented (once again I could have waited, but the opportunity presented itself). I am not trying to hurt him, but before he came back last time, he said one reason he came back is because when I said L, H thought that his life was going to change and he was comfortable with the way things were. I don't want him to get "comfortable" again. I was doing this to make sure he understood I still have my boundaries without being mean. I am not going to spend the holidays with him when he is still gone.

Before he left, I thanked him again for the great gift and the time he took to help me out. Later i called because S would not eat dinner and H talked to him so then he ate. Finally I ended the night with H by texting him saying how thankful I was for the note, CD, and the time he took to be with S and I. I said how helpful it was to me. Then I said good night. I know he wants to help me, and me asking for help and he being able to help will help our relationship because I will be less stressed and he will feel needed. I am not asking all the time, but when he is available I do ask when I do really need help. Also I want him to know that I am noticing his changes.

Good things are happening! I just keep praying they keep going. The holidays will be hard, but also a good dose of reality for H.

[Lucky11too]

I am not trying to hurt him, but before he came back last time, he said one reason he came back is because when I said L, H thought that his life was going to change and he was comfortable with the way things were. I don't want him to get "comfortable" again. I was doing this to make sure he understood I still have my boundaries without being mean. I am not going to spend the holidays with him when he is still gone.

Excellent point. It's a good thing he let you know that, so you don't let him get 'comfortable' again. I think for better or for worse, the holidays really are a awake up call. Holidays are meant for families, and when you don't have a family to share it with, that pretty much stinks. Hmm, I might have to try to have the whole holiday scheduling talk myself. =P (which is necessary but also useful!)

Things really do seem like they are progressing well. He is obviously taking the time to do things that he knows will be meaningful to you (note, cd, helping out), along with decreasing both his initiated contact with OW and calling the other home "home". All successes and baby steps in the right direction! I to will pray that they continue. So happy for good days! It gives hope to us all. =)

[awest1217]

I was thinking today about everything this week and realizing this really could be the start of something good. I told H when he left this last time that he completely broke my heart and in order for him to come back he would have to win me back. He is trying or at least that is what I am taking everything as. He is trying.

[Lucky11too]

Yes, he definitely is trying! It's like you always have to be cautiously optimistic, but it does seem like the start of something good. Just keep up the good work on your end and let him continue his progess! =)

[awest1217]

I know my last post sounded like I was completely thinking things are great. They aren't, but just a realization I had. H still has OW and has not left her so things are not great and I have to be careful to make sure I stick to my boundaries because I have been here before and H did not stick to what he said he would do, but I am at least finally having some good to report.

[2B_2_AS_1]

I was thinking today about everything this week and realizing this really could be the start of something good. I told H when he left this last time that he completely broke my heart and in order for him to come back he would have to win me back. He is trying or at least that is what I am taking everything as. He is trying.

Awest,

I am glad your H is trying. You mention he would have to win you back. I am wondering what do I do to win mine back also. Should I be trying more? I really appreciate all your feedback. Let me know what you think... It is all heart wrenching!!!

[ClingingToHope]

The roller coaster continues. But go back to like page 10 of your thread and compare where you were then to now. Big strides.

How's the physics and chemistry teaching going?