I am a total lurker here, but commented on your (original) thread I think. I've been waiting for your update as I feel my sitch is a lot like yours--DH who can't/won't let go of past "injuries," but does not want a divorce...just wants us both to be miserably married...as if I/we need to be punished for the rest of our lives because I screwed up for a few years (not that he was perfect either, mind you).
I won't hijack your thread with my sitch, but will say I feel for you and I hope you'll hang around.
