Update

[TrentC]

At this point, I dont even want his there for my sons surgery. All he will be doing is talking to the OW and updating her on our sons status.

Boundary time!

"It is disrespectful to me and to our family for you to be communicating with OW while you are here. Take it outside."

I did find someone that will show me where OW lives when I am ready to tell her husband. I am inching closer to that point.

If you have proof, do it. He has as much right to know what is going on in his marriage as you do.

Also, affairs are a lot harder to keep going once both betrayed spouses know what's going on. Your H might be surprised to find his OW go scurrying back to her husband once he lays the law down (or kicks her out).