Help... I need to stop reacting!

[TrentC]

This is all good, except that I am now starting to get the pressure of who are you going to tell etc. I am going to need strength from you folks here because I can tell he is going to try to convince me why to keep as quiet as possible.

Tell him that it's none of his business who you choose to confide in. He started this, he gets to reap the consequences. (It's also part of the script; the fewer people who know about it, the less pressure there is to keep things "normal".)

With that said, I would be very careful who you tell. Your friends and family will support you, but trying to fight to save a marriage is -- unfortunately -- not very common, and you will get some pressure to "not waste your time" and "just let him go if he wants to go so badly".

Also, it will be harder for your friends and family to accept a reconciliation if you air too much dirty laundry about your R to them. I would keep any discussion of the split focused on you and your feelings, and not on his actions.