Another waw/mlc and I need support

[cyclone]

More stuff to figure out. I am having an ok time detaching from W but dealing with the kids still is the hardest part. I am trying my best to be a firm but fair dad. I set boundaries that make sense and are fair but W removes the boundaries to make the kids not hate her.

I am the only one that pushes them to get their homework done, music practice, and bedtime routine. We were doing great when W was out of the house. Now that she is back she is constantly eroding those routines and boundaries and then trying to draw me into a fight over their consequences.

Last night was a good example:

I came home from work to find the three of them watching a movie. It was almost 6 and they had not had dinner. W had gone grocery shoppping (I let her know I appreciated her for doing that) and there were grocery bags all over the kitchen floor. I didn't let the mess bother me and started to make some dinner. She had boiled a few ears of corn. I made a chicken and rice dish. After the movie the kids and I sat down to have our dinner, she retreated to her bedroom to talk on the phone.

About 30 minutes later she comes out and raises her voice at me to tell me that if the kids want to have the lights on in the hallway that is ok and I shouldn't tell them that they have to have the lights off. Just a few months ago, she used to get upset if there was a crack of light from the hallway showing underneath the door of our bedroom. we both used to feel that its hard to get a good sound sleep when the lights are on. We used to be on the same page. Now she yells at me in front of the kids that she is on their side now.

She then said she needed to go the room she's rented for the evening to get away from everything and have peace. Left me with another difficult evening with the kids. They feel like they get to set when bedtime is and when I told them that they needed to be in bed by 9 the oldest said he was going to call mom to get me in trouble. I diffused the situation by giving him a big hug and talked about growing pains and testing limits. The evening turned out ok but I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

She came back sometime in the middle of the night and woke me up at 6 to ask if I would leave for work early so she could spend time with the kids alone. I agreed and got dressed and left. Just a few moments ago I got a call from her saying that the kids aren't behaving the way she wants them to. They just want to play on the Wii and won't get dressed to go out. She said that I need to come home as soon as I can so she can leave. I told her that I would be home at the normal time I get home from work and that I had confidence that she could handle parenting them. She said she would just hire a babysitter to watch them for the day. I replied that I trust her decision but if she chooses the babysitter to please take care of paying him/her.

Any better way of handling this?