Congratulations on embracing so many new joys in your life.
The fact of the matter is, what your former spouse does is none of your business. He has not been your emotional confidant in ages. You moved on with a bit of 'screw you, big guy, look at all I have and your life sucks.' as you moved forward with your new relationship. That's a good thing to seek counseling for.
The question is, why do you look backward when you have so much in the present with your current spouse and family with a positive future to look forward to?
I liken it to being an amputee. A big part of you, any of us, was severed from what made you feel whole. Occasionally there are ghost feelings. Something remembered but no longer there. If you talk to parents while they have troubled teens, they say it's hell. When you to talk to the same parents when their teens have grown to adults and have their own families, they remember what's good. Time changes all and softens memories.
Perhaps that is what allows the propagation of the species. Do you remember how you probably swore you'd never have another child right after the birthing process. Then you forget the pain and see all that is wonderful in this new little life.
Stop giving this guy prime real estate in your brain. You have not been shortchanged. And it's great self care to seek professional help. He will probably never be able to validate your feelings, just as you will never be able to validate his.
This isn't about him. It's about you. Get the help you're suggesting and the rest will follow.
*hugs*
PS.. and I think that in the tiny recesses of any spurned spouse's brain even with forgiveness, there's a bit of a hint of hoping the former spouse will never be truly happy.
