Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Hey, today is my six-month anniversary of being separated. Pity party starting in five minutes.

Had a long talk with a friend last night who, I'm afraid, in the same boat as I was six and a half months ago.

He and his wife have been married about the same time as us (14 years to my 13 1/2). They have a 12-year-old son.

From the outside, it's a great marriage. Two good careers. Big, beautiful house on a hill. Loving families on both sides. No fights. They just buried resentments and disappointments because that's what they saw growing up. Both sets of parents stayed together. Marriage should be easy.

But for years they tried to have more kids. They went through fertility treatments -- the whole bit.

Things I did not know. They discussed adoption. My friend's wife really wanted to do it. My friend did not. Turns out now that she really felt he wasn't there for her during that time.

Finally, two years ago they gave up all the efforts -- adoption or treatments. And about that time she became unhappy. She decided to make major changes in life -- and that unfortunately meant changes without him.

My friend did everything you are not supposed to do. Call, texted, gifts, romantic getaways. He tried all the things that worked when they were younger.

Instead, she wants to move out now. Today. Tell their son that it's over.

He's trying to talk her into staying through the holidays for their son's sake.

He also said, and I've been friends with him for years and was in his wedding, that he's suffered from anxiety attacks for several years and every time W talks about leaving they come back. He's a real mess.

I told him that I didn't know it was that far gone and that now, every time he talks about holding on for a little longer, it's probably making things worse. She sees him as clingy and no longer sees the man she fell in love with.

She can't start missing him while he's still there. He has to let her go and hold himself together for the sake of the son -- who apparently is showing the same kinds of anxiety issues.

The fact I didn't know these things doesn't say much for me. I haven't been a very good friend because I've been so wrapped up in my own issues. Another strange point. Of my three best friends growing up, three of us are going to be divorced. Only one has managed to keep his marriage together.

It was a long talk and I'm very worried for him. I can see how far I've come, but that's a little depressing because I'm still not "happy."